It's Friday!

This week has gone by really fast, especially coming home from the Lake on Tuesday.  the free time I've had I've worked in the yard trying to get all my flowers planted for the summer.  Natasha came out yesterday and we worked on her curtains for the baby room.  Natasha sewed them herself and she did a great job.  I wore myself out working in the yard yesterday and today, after three to four hours I'm beat.  Craig and I had to go over to Stacy's home last night and help work on her sprinklers, they were not working and it has gotten hot fast in the 90's this week .  Chad is coming home this weekend for a short time.  I fixed it the best we could for now.  Craig was in a lot of pain coming home.  He had over did it bending down trying to work on the sprinklers.  I had to help him.  We were both beat when we got home.  Today I work in the yard.  Things are really looking pretty.  Chris Spinks, Craig's sister stopped by today to pick up her hair brush she left  it last weekend.  We talked about planning a Symes family reunion this July 18-20.   None of the Spinks family have seen the new cabin yet.   I picked up my digital wedding book I made for our up coming wedding anniversary this coming weekend.  I'm so pleased with how it turned out.  So excited to give it to him!!  We want to go somewhere for our anniversary and just not sure what we want to do.  I need some ideas!  Craig and I are staying home this weekend.  Nice to get some things done around here.

My Response to Sharlena

Dear Sharlena,

Thank you for your response.  I have grieved so much from the past and wish I could have done things differently, yet so much has been out of my control.  I knew that you carried a heavy burden as a child and wished that we had talked more about your feelings.  I was just trying to hang on and go forward for the sake of our family.  There is so much I have tried to forget and just remember the happy times.   I do know as we live the gospel our lives are so much better and I'm so proud of you and your example to me.  I have not talked much about the challenges your Dad and I went through, because I love your Dad with all my heart and never wanted to destroy your relationship with him.  I have always known you and Dad have a very special relationship and he filled in the gaps, when I fell short and I'm so appreciative to him for that.   I worried about you and knew you carried the responsibility of caring for your sisters, when I fell apart.  You were a great strength for me, more than you will ever no.  As far as you and Shannon's relationship, I have always wanted my girls to be close and this is one reason this is so difficult to me.  I will back off and give you the space you need to work this out on your own time.  I just feel I have been blind-sighted and did not see the challenges we are dealing with right now.  It grieves my heart.  All I can say is I can't change the past, but I can make a difference in my future path.  Let's try to be more open with our feelings, even if we have to write to one another at the time.  I know that I'm over emotional, this is just so difficult for me.  I can't abandon your sister Shannon.  She needs us.  I will just try really hard to separate as much as can.  I'm praying for the guidance I need and the insight that I need as a grandmother and mother to each of our daughters.  This has affected the entire family!!  We over lap and it is really hard to separate, I have loved the association with each of you and your children.  I just want us to be one big Happy family... that is the dream that I have put so much time and effort in trying to keep our family close.  I do understand your stand and concerns.  I'm sure if I had been in this same situation with Scott and Jan I would have withdrawn from the relationship.  The thing I didn't like is we never tried to communicate, just ran from the problems as a family.  I wanted our family to do better!!   It does not change the emotions I'm feeling inside.  I feel our family has been ripped apart and I don't know how to fix it.  This is bigger than me and I'm putting my faith in Heavenly Father to comfort me, lead and guide me;  I'm sure that is what you are doing for your own family.  Just pray in time we will be able to find some unity in the family again.  Lets be better at communicating with one another,

Love you with all my heart,

Mom

Response from Sharlena

Sharlena Noriega	May 29 (1 day ago)

Dear Mom,

    I'm so sorry you felt attacked last week when we came out. That was certainly not my intention. I'm glad that Dad was there to mediate or once again, we wouldn't have accomplished anything.

  I'm grateful for your apology and that you reached out to me.  I would like to find some kind of common ground.

  I do not have grievances toward the entire family.  I have concerns with Shannon and her family.  That sometimes creeps over to you and Dad when you put yourselves between me and Shannon.  I have to work things out with Shannon on my own.

  You may not agree with me about the Chaudhry’s misbehavior, but the more I seek guidance the more my feelings are validated.

  As a kid, I was very aware of most of the experiences you shared with me in your letter. It was a very large burden for me to bare as a child. Throughout most of my childhood, I was very scared and fearful that you and Dad would get a divorce. I saw Kathy from time to time at school or at the store. I was friends with her daughter, Brenda, and I remember playing with her and going over to their house for popsicles. And as an adult, you and I ran in to Kathy.

  When I was eight, I began writing in a journal, but later threw it away because I didn't want to remember it.

  As a result, early in my marriage I had to work through some trust issues. I had to learn to trust Dave completely. In my mind, if that could happen to my Dad it could happen to any man. The spirit helped me work through those feelings and I was able to let go of that fear. I trust Dave completely and we have an amazing relationship with each other.

  You have overcome so many difficulties in your life and that speaks volumes about who you are and the strength that you possess. I’m devastated that you suffered so much abuse and affliction in your life. I have great compassion for you.

       I am amazed, proud, and grateful that you and Dad were able break the mold that you grew up in. I had a wonderful childhood and I’m trying to take the lessons you have taught and build on them.

        I have been inspired on more than one occasion to sit down and write you a letter of appreciation for all that you have done for me, but unfortunately, I have not listened to that prompting. I apologize for that. As a parent, I’ve experienced a whole new level of appreciation for you guys. I see, more fully, all that you did and all the sacrifices that you made for me as a child.  I am grateful to have wonderful parents.  I am grateful to have been born in the covenant and to have the gospel in my life. The gospel is common sense to me. It’s very simple; you avoid so many unnecessary struggles by simply “Choosing The Right”.

I greatly appreciate all that you have done for me and my family. I know you have the best of intentions.

I love you!

[Yael Symes Towner] 16 months

Yael is saying more words. He says Yaya, hot, mama, dada, papa, banana, uh-oh, out.

He is so fun! I enjoy him so much. I can't handle how cute he is!

He really loves his Papa and Grammy Symes. He was my Dad's shadow this weekend at the cabin.

Him and Jude had fun playing with the baby duck at the cabin this last weekend too.

I had a good scare. He tripped and fell on a bowl and sliced his head..  Aunt Shannon Came to the rescue and helped to bandage his cut.

Shannon & I came home on Tuesday.

Stacy and Craig came home Monday night from the Lake.  Shannon and I were emotionally spent and just could not pack up and come home yet. We stayed the night and came home on Tuesday.  It felt nice to be at the lake.  It was such a pretty day I did not want to come home.  We had to pack up and come home.  Alec had soccer tryouts that evening.  We clean up the cabin the best we could with the time we had and had to be on the road. We didn't get out until 2:pm  racing to get home in time for soccer tryouts.  We got back to the Valley and it 90degrees.  Wow it is hot, summer is here!!  I was ready to go back to the Lake.  My poor flower pots were dried out all ready.  I'm not ready for it to get this hot so fast!  Michael mowed the lawn.  Shannon took my car home so she she could get Alec where he needed to be on time.  I took Michael home after he mowed the lawn.  Home sweet home.  I spent the evening reading my emails, facebook and updated my blog from the past weekend.  This has been a very emotional week for me all this family stuff, I just want to quit.  It feels to hard to deal with it.  I just got off the phone with Natasha this morning and try expressing my feeling about all this as a mother.  They just don't get it.  They are expecting me to plan things and not meet at our home.  I can not have family gatherings at our home or the cabin any more.  I told her I don't know how to do it.  I emotionally  can't do it right now.  This is not what I have done in the past and now have to make all these changes that I feel are so unrealistic.  She says we will need to meet at a park or somewhere other than our home.  Yet at this point even going to a birthday party is not happening with all the emotions flying around.  It is all Shannon's fault!!! and That is so wrong.  I do not agree!!  The other four sisters have got to be flexible and put some effort in on their part, when they are the ones changing the rules on me.  Tasha is wanting a baby shower and I don't know how to plan it when they won't come.  So why bother, let one of  the sisters plan it!!  I can't have it at my home if Shannon comes.  It is just crazy!!  I don't know what is going to happen for Father's Day this year?  I can see this is going to be a very lonely summer with our family gatherings.  No.. 4th of July, no 24th of July as a family.  Tasha & Bridger, Stacy and Chad have been gone over the holidays in the summer, living out of state with their work for the past five years.  Tasha was here last summer and now this happened with Landon. Landon and Lincoln were so cute together, best cousins, building a bond of friendship and now that has come to an end.  It is so sad for me to watch.  We were left with the Burbidge family, Noriega family, and Chaudhry family on the Holidays with the Towners and Thomas family gone the last five years.  Now no Chaudhry family if I want to get them together and how do I do it?  I just don't know how to separate it out and they are doing it all on their own.  It is really that bad is the question?  Yes we have had our growing pains as I family, I get that, but to completely fall apart!! That is what I'm having such a hard time with.  I know the pain Shannon is feeling.  I don't know the pain the other sisters are feeling because they just withdraw themselves, so I do side in with Shannon, because we both and feel so much alike.  I can't abandon my daughters,  I just feel like giving up.  I quit!!
It is my temple day again, another week gone by that has been a very emotional week for me.  Every holiday puts me in an emotional tail spin!!  I've got to pull myself together for my temple assignment today.  I've got to clean up and get myself dressed for the day,  It is 12:30 the day is ticking by.  I"ve got to be dressed and ready to go by 3:30, which should not be so hard, but I can hardly function over all this.  My heart is just breaking!!  The good news is we find out our Stacy is having a little girl!!  We are so excited to have a little granddaughter.  I just pray some how in time things with heal!!  I pray for the strength to carry on!!  Finding the Joy in our lives amidst the sorrow!!

Sunday our emotionall roller coaster

Saturday night late Chad called Stacy.  I came up stairs to see she was crying.  I asked her what was wrong.  She told me Chad was upset with her that she had come to the lake with the Chaudhry family there.  They had agreed they would not attend any family event if the Chaudhry family was there for the protection of their boys.  The problem is Stacy want to spend time with her family.  Her and Chad are not in agreement over all this.  Shannon and Stacy and were able to talk about things.  It is all so hurtful.  The Chaudhry family is really not a harm to anyone and this is what is so upsetting to us as Grandparents and hurtful to the Chaudhry family.  They want to spend time with us too and they need our love and support.  Both our daughters needed their parents support this weekend.  I told Craig and he was furious to hear Chad acting this way.  We were actually in shock again.  Craig was so upset he could not sleep and had to take a drive.  He said he finally got down on his knees and prayed to Heavenly Father for help and strength.  He said the answers came to his heart and he felt comforted.  This is not going to be an easy road for our family.  I was crying, Shannon crying and Stacy crying.  Sunday we all got up and dressed for Church.  I felt I really needed to go to church and pray to my Heavenly Father for the direction and peace we need at this challenging time in our lives.  How do we keep our family together?  As the day progress that afternoon Chad texted Stacy several time upset that she is at the lake with the Chaudhry family there.  I  just wanted Chad to leave her alone and let us have an enjoyable time together.  Stacy needs a break from her family demands in caring for her two very small little boys.  She is pregnant with #3 and filling frazzled with Chad out of town.  He has been gone for over three weeks now.  We know this has been really hard on Stacy.  I called Chad to let him know we are watching the boys and helping her out.  I told him we would never put any of our grandchildren in harms ways.  We are having a great time and that things are ok.  Well he was very demanding and saying they had agreed that there would be no association with the Chaudhry family. What was said at the meeting at Christmas was how they all felt, Thomas family, Noriega, Burbidge and Towner family.  They are not coming to any family event if the Chaudhry family is there.  The conversation was not going well.  There was no reasoning with Chad.  Craig finally had to grab the phone from me and tell Chad he would talk to him when he get back in town on June 1st.  I told him and the other siblings what has been done and that the only thing we can do is go forward and just watch the kids.  Well that is not good enough for any of them.  No one has considered how Shannon and Ryan feel about all this.  It is their little innocent boy to consider too.  Everyone is bases this whole out come on the what a three year old said and no one saw any thing!!  They are all attacking the entire Chaudhry family!! This is not right and as Grandparents we are supporting the Chaudhry family.  They have no other family but us.  It is so sad to see how all our son-in-laws are acting.  We can see now until our own daughters stand up to their spouses and bring the walls down we are going to have a long road with all this.  Chad made the comment this is not an emotionally conflict, why are you and Craig so upset?  After my conversation with Chad, I guess the reality of what is happening is really sinking in.  The four other families are in agreement to separate themselves from the Chaurdry family no association!!  They want solution and a confidence this will not happen to their child.  Well the sad thing is I can't give them what they are wanting.  Not one of them have gone to the Chaudhry family and told them the conditions, only isolation.  They are demanding resolutions, yet no communication on their part.  I had to finally tell Shannon about the family meeting they had and did not invite them to have a voice for themselves.  They have backed Craig and I in a corner and are making us make a choice between one of our children and them.  We can't do that, we are not going to dessert the one family in our family unit that needs us more than anyone.  They all have their extended family they can rely on and family event to go.  Lots of love and support from the extended family and the Chaudhry family have no one, only our family and now the entire family have abandon them.  We can not do that as grand-parents.  And we will not do it!!  This is our home and our cabin and we will invite who we want.  We are not going to separate the families out.  So in reality they are separating us from them and their children if they are not willing to compromise somehow.  I cried most of the afternoon of Sunday.  It feels like our family has been ripped in a million pieces and the Love and unity we once had, has been thrown in the wind and scattered.  I don't know how it will every come back into some unity.  It looks like a very long road for us a grandparents.Our hearts are just breaking!!  Shannon visited with Stacy on Monday and Shannon had a breakdown over it all.  She loves all her sisters so very much and she needs her sisters to get through this herself.  She feels they have all abandon her and her family.  The hurt goes deep and then expecting her to call them, to communicate with them and report to them what they are doing to mend the situation.  This is emotionally  more than she can handle herself.  This should have been only The Thomas family and the Chaudhry family.  Shannon should not have to be reporting to the entire family when the rules are not even fair.  They had a family meeting  and did not invited the Chaudhry family.  They had no idea what was going on.  I finally had to tell her myself 4 months later.  I kept thinking they would reach out on their own. Trisha and Buck did but now are back stepping.  They have given Craig and I and Shannon a total impression.  I was just a Shock to hear Chad say the entire family is in agreement we will not come to any family event if the Chaudhry family is there.  So how do I do that?  with Easter, Mother's Day, Father's Day, Thanks Giving, Christmas, and Birthday events when it all involves family unity and getting together as a family.  Something we have done for our entire lives and now they want me to separate out and exclude one family from our lives of association. It is our worst nightmare.  Not once have they considered the damage and hurt they are causing to the entire family unit.  It is more than I can bare right now.  It is not right!!  I don't know what to do for Father's day. Tasha called and hinted that she wants our family to have her a baby shower.  How can I have a baby shower when I can't get anyone together.  It just makes me so sad.!!

Shannon & I arrive at the Lake on Saturday night

We had a very nice weekend at the Lake.  I was on an emotionally roller coaster.  Stacy called Thursday and said she wanted to come to the lake and wanted to know who would be coming.  I told her no one other than I know that some of the Chaudhry boys really wanted to come up.  Little Landon has had his bag packed all week long and that has been all he talked about was going to Bear Lake with Papa Symes.  The older boys wanted to go wakeboarding.  Alec did not have soccer this weekend which was a good weekend for him.  Shannon said she did want to come up.  Friday arrived and I started at noon trying to get ready and head for the lake for the weekend.  I headed out to Shannon's.  If she came I would have to drive their family up because they only have one car.  Ryan works on the weekends.  Stacy's car was not registered and felt she should  not be driving up by herself with her two little boys.  So Craig said he would take Stacy and I would bring up the Chaudhry family in my car.  I got out to Shannon's and she had a very bad migraine headache and had been on the couch all day trying to get rid of it.  It was so bad she had to give herself the shot she takes when it is out of control.  The boys were at school all day so she was able to rest and sleep.  She just has to sleep the shot off and let the medicine take.  It knock her out for a day or two.  After the shot she does not fell well for a day, very sick to her stomach and weak inside.  She had wanted to come up with us and started to cry, because she felt so bad and was not even able to deal with packing and getting ready for the weekend, she did not want to disappoint us.  While visiting Stacy called and texted Shannon a picture of baby Yael's head, he had fell and hit his head and it looked like he might need a stitch or two.  I called Craig to hurry over to Stacy's home.  Shannon was able to get up and gather up her medical stuff and out the door we went to help Stacy.  Shannon was able to butterfly the cut.  So we felt Yael did not need stitches.  After things calmed down, Stacy finished packing up and headed out the door with Craig.  They were racing out so Craig could make it time to see Lincoln play in his T-ball game at 6pm.  They were trying to get ahead of the 5pm traffic or they would never make it.  They were going to head to the Lake after the game since they were all ready that far north in Bountiful.  I told Craig I would bring the Chaudhry later, we still needed go back to Shannon's and pack up.  She needed help and round up all the boys.  When we got back to Shannon's home I could see Shannon was trying but she was still in alot of pain.  She started to cry!!  I told her it was ok.  She did not want to disappoint us, but she was not able to function right now, still not feeling well her bad headache.  My heart hurt for her, I could see the pain and stress she was feeling.  I told her to just go back to bed.  She needed to try to get some sleep and rest and see how she felt in the morning.  It was getting close to dark by now and I do not want to be driving up to the lake in the dark myself.  I do not do well driving at night and avoid it if all possible.  I took Landon and Jaxon with me for the rest of the night, so she could just sleep and not have to worry about the boys.  Michael was hanging out with his friends and Alec was at a soccer event and friend were bringing him home.  The two boys and I came back to our home for the night.  I was beat and just wanted to go to bed myself.  I told Shannon to call us in the morning when she felt like she was ready to go up. I drove out to her about 12:30 on Saturday morning.  I helped pack them up and we were finally on the road by 3pm.  We had to stop in Evanston to by groceries.  It had been raining all day on Saturday cool and raining at the Lake as well, so we would have just been sitting around the cabin all day on Saturday, so we weren't missing out on anything.  We finally arrived about 7:30 pm.  It felt like it had taken me days to get to the lake. which literally it was a process that I had been working on since noon on Friday.  I was beat.  We fixed dinner and I had to go to bed early we were all tired.  Stacy and Dad and the day at the Lake by themselves.  They enjoyed their day relaxing.  Baby Yael took a liking to Dad and followed him around all long.  Craig enjoyed caring for him.  Stacy has needed a break herself with Chad out of town working she is all by herself with her two little boy 24-7 and she has needed help.  This weekend was nice to just spend time with both of my girls who had needed our help.  We were able to help as grandparents and lighten their load for a short time. 

Memorial weekend

The summer season 2014 has begun. This is a beautiful weekend at the lake. The sun is out today shining brightly.  Michael just tried out the new dry suit I bought for Craig for Christmas. Getting it on and off is a challenge.  It does work great in keeping you dry.  Micheal just took it off and he is completely dry. Alec just tried the dry suit and it works great!! We are enjoying being in the boat soaking in the warm sunshine on this beautiful Memorial Day.  The Lake is so pretty and aqua blue today!!

Alec on the wake-board in our new dry suits.

                Our Landon boy 6 years old at Bear Lake

 Alec and Micheal love our new dry suit, waking boarding at Bear Lake

Letter to Sharlena

May 24^th, 2014, Early Saturday Morning

Dear  Sharlena,

Our last meeting did not go as I wanted it go, I know I got emotional, but you were attacking me; that does put a person on the defense!  I know I attacked you back as well and I’m sorrow about that.  I wanted to try really hard to hear you out, what your concerns are and what are the grievances you have toward the family?  There are areas of our lives we may never agree on, but with that said we can find common ground.  Things that were said I would like to express my thoughts and concerns, my side of the story as your mother.  There are always two sides of the story and that is the challenge to be able to look at the other person’s point of view and to have compassion and understand even when we disagree. 

I can honestly say in my heart I have no regrets in raising you five daughters.  I invested all my time and energy in loving and caring for each of you.  I chose to be a stay at home mother and not to work outside of the  home, other than in the very early years of our marriage I worked as needed to supplement our family income to just survive,  which was for a very short time span and I don’t even know if you remember.   I loved you with all my heart and I’ve told you this, that when Shannon was born I was fearful about caring for her, how could I love her as much as I loved you?  I soon came to learn that love for another child is possible and I have loved each one born in our family, the more the merrier.  I love children!!  I wanted a house full.  I even wanted more children if your Dad would have allowed me.  Shannon and you were friends growing up.  You were 23 months old when Shannon was born.  The surprise was when I became pregnant with Trisha and she was born a month after you just turned three years old.  I had three children to love and care for, three years old and younger.  It was a huge challenge for me.   I totally related to you as you had your children very close in age and I knew very well how difficult and challenging it is and was very concerned about you and your well being far more that you will ever know.  I had two baby beds and two in diapers.  I made my own cloth diapers for all of you and washed them out in the toilet.  I felt I washed and folded diapers all the time just to keep up with it.  We could not afford disposal diapers. They were just new on the market when Trisha was born.  Keeping up with the diapers was almost more than I could bare some days.   I would cry and wish I had someone to help me.  I had no one!!  I had no mother, no sister, and no friends.  I was new to our area and had not lived in Utah.  I had no extended family to ask for help.  I learned to manage on my own, and it was very hard!!  It took all my time and energy and as a young mother sleep deprived.  I did make a few friends and we would trade babysitting days so we could have some time out to do things that were needed.  I never went to lunch with friends or did friend things there was not the time for many years.  I felt I was a loner.  With me being new to Utah, I felt I did not fit in with the sisters in my ward.  Living in Utah was a culture shock for me in the beginning years.  They had their friends and extended family they could rely on.  All I had was my ward family.  The ward family was very different here in Utah, than in Texas.  Texas was much friendlier and supportive to one another.  The sisters in my new Ward were all just causal friends.  The only friends I had for about three years was Barbara Springer and she was not in my ward.  I had one friend in my Ward, that I confided in about the sexually abuse I had from the time I was 2 years old until I was 15 years old, I was having a hard time with Charles and needed to talk to someone.  I felt I could confide in her, from that that point one she quit being my friend.  It was very hurtful.  This made me close off even more from the sisters in my ward.  I felt all alone!!  We soon became friends with the Karins, Hansens and the Griffths families.  Dad is very social and these families  became great friends to do things with. Those were some fun years for our family in boating at Lake Powell.   Shannon had her accident when she was five years old.  We move to this area the year she was born in 1980.  The sisters in the ward were very supportive in helping our family.  I could not have done it without them.  I came to love the relief society and learned that I could ask for help, it was ok!!  Yes it is hard to ask that you need help, but I had no choice.  I had to reach out, there were many times I could not do it all by myself.   I learned that the sisterhood in relief society is a blessing in our lives if we will allow it, this is the purpose to love, care and serve one another as needed.  Shannon needed lots of care with many doctor’s appointments.  Dad was really good about taking her so I could stay home with you, Trisha and Stacy and when needed the Relief Society sisters would help me.  In 1985 Dad and I went thru some very difficult challenges in our own marriage, and Dad was not able to baptize you, He was disfellowshiped for a year.  I cried many tears.  I had my marriage falling apart before my very eyes, a man I loved and cherished being taken from my arms, from another girl in our ward.  Again I felt betrayal from a sister in the ward.  She was trying to take my family away from me.  I fell on my knees and poured my heart out to my Heavenly Father.  What was I to do?  I have four little girls to raise!!  Do I move back to Texas?  My heart was breaking, I wanted to run from all the pain I felt inside.  I prayed to my Heavenly Father and the spirit told me to stay and fight for my family.  Had I not listened to what the spirit was telling me to do, our lives would have been so different from that point on,  Dad and I would most likely had become divorced.   I stayed and it was not easy!!  I cried tears for years.  I had to put myself in a numb stage to even survive.  I just went through the motions and did what I had to do to care for you 4 little girls.  Again all alone with on one to share my pain other than with the sisters in the ward, which I felt I really couldn’t.  I had been already betrayed twice by sisters in my ward.    Those were dark days for me.  You were 7 years old till 10 years old.  Dad and I stayed together.  Caring for Shannon this is what kept us together in that time period.  We almost lost one of our daughters in a tragic accident, we had to pull together.  I loved my family with all my heart and I wanted more than anything for our family to stay together.  Things got easier and we moved forward.  I did have to move!!  I could no longer live in the ward, same area, school and friends that I had to associate with the one sister that had almost destroyed our family.  Every time I saw her I fell apart!!  This is why I pushed for us to move to our new home on Fieldpoint Circle.  We needed a new start, I had to put all this behind us.  That was an exciting time for our family to relocate and make new friends.  It was a good move for us and our family.  I meet for the first time really good friends that really loved me and were supportive to me,  Theresa Collins and Mary Livingston.  I had to learn I could trust them and I was safe in their friendship. 

Why I’m telling you this is?  I have learned we can’t do it alone, we do need others to help us along the path as mother’s.  We do need the sisterhood in the Relief Society and we need friendship from others.  I’m very social in many ways, but I have a hard time trusting others and I keep my distant, which is my fault.  I have learned to trust and ask others when I need help.  It is not easy to admit when you need help, but you do have to ask and there are those who are willing to share and help when needed.  I’m so grateful for the Relief Society and knew that when my daughters married and left the nest there will be the support from the sister in their wards, if we would let them help us.  I worried about you and knew I could not be there for all the challenges you will face as a young mother and prayed for you, that you would be taken care of as needed.  I was still raising my own family when you got married and began your little family.   I knew there were going to be times of sadness , feeling lonely , over whelmed, sickness  and just not being able to care for all the demands required.  It is the hardest job on this earth in caring for a young family!!  I have prayed for you each night and have asked the Lord to keep you and your family safe.  I have prayed for you to be lifted up and supported in your calling as a mother.  I have prayed for the angels to look after you when I could not be there or aware of a need, when I fell short.

I have loved you with all my heart and have done the best I could do in raising you and keeping our family together.  This means all the world to me!!  Communicating with you has been a challenge for me.  You have always been so private and closed off toward me.  I tried really hard to understand you and tired to reach out when I could or when you would allow me.  I backed off and gave you the space I felt you needed as a young women growing in womanhood .  I figured if you really needed me you would say something!!  I’m so sorry if I have not been there when you needed me growing up and now as a mother raising your own children.  I do love you so much and I did try to do the best I know how.  You are a smart and intelligent young woman and I’m so proud of you.  You add so much to our family unit and it would not be the same without you.  You are the oldest daughter of the family and I have expected you to set the example for your sisters to follow and that you have.   Honey I know you!!  That really hurts me when you said I don’t know you anymore in our conversation on Wednesday.    I’m your mother!!   I have watched and learned from you over the years more than you will ever know.  I have been more involved in your life and your children’s lives than I ever had from my own mother.  Something I wanted to change in my life.  I have wanted to be an active and involved mother in your life, as much as I could, as much as you would allow me!!   It would be nice to get a phone call from you and you really share with me what is going on in your life and what I could do to really help and I would be there in a second.  I have really tired to listen and pick up on a need when you have needed my help and I have gone out of my way to help you and your family when I was not asked.  When I saw a need I tried to reach out and do something to help.  I may not have been there as often as you would have liked, but you have given me so little information over the years.  You have not called me,  only a few times I can recall over the years and shared with me your challenges as mother or to cry on my shoulder when you have needed a friend.  It is a two way street.  It has been really hard for me to know how to help you because you have not shared with me.   I have not known about one disagreement with your husband over the years and maybe that is a good thing, but that is part of building a friendship, it is sharing our burdens and letting friends help us with advice or just a listening ear goes a long way.  I wanted more than anything to be your friend or the kind of friend you want me to me.  But you have got to share with me!!   With me calling you and talking to you is my way of sharing what is going on in my life and then trying to find out what is going on in your life and you will not share with me.   I do ask how you are doing?  Sorry if I have mingled whatever is going on at the time about your sisters and what I’m doing at the time, I’m just trying to keep you in the lope of our lives.  We do need to work on communication.  I will try to do better, but you have got to meet me halfway as well.  It needs to be an effort on both sides and that means sharing the good and the bad and not feeling judgmental.  There have been so many things I have wanted to share with you about my life, my sorrows, my joys, my journey as a mother and now a grandmother.  I do feel there has not been open communication and feel you will be judgmental of me, and I do not want to burden you or disappoint you in any way by my weaknesses so I say nothing.  But that is part of communication in sharing the burdens of one another.  I have come to learn as women we are different in our emotions than men and we need the time to talk and share our feelings with others.  This is what give us serotonin , a chemical in our bodies we need to survive happily.  We get this giving birth to children in loving and caring for them as newborns and talking and sharing our feelings with other women.  I learned this from my counselor over the years.  It is ok to ask for help and share with other women, we need to in order to be happy!   I want more than anything to have a close bond relationship with you.  I have felt happy with our relationship in many ways over the years, yes it can always be better.  I have just backed off,   It is called letting go and let you become the wonderful woman you have become and I’m so proud of you!!  You have been very private and independent and that has been ok.  I have respected that, as who you are.  I was very independent myself!  I did not want my mother telling me how to live my life, so I did not want to make that same mistake with you as your mother.  Even though my mother lived out of state, she was very controlling and bossy with me.  I resented that and wanted to have nothing to do with her.  I just wanted her friendship, love and support.  She would call over the years and burden me with all her problems yet never listen to me.  I could never share with her anything without her making a hell storm out of it.  I have wanted to have a close relationship with my own mother and I’m still working on that.  I have so many challenges in dealing with her in our relationship and I’m constantly learning how to deal with her.  She has hurts me over and over deeply, yet I have never given up in working on the relationship.   I have never wanted to be a burden to you in any way or cause you any sorrow and I’m so sorry for all the unknowns that have caused you pain.  I love you, you are my first born!!  The love of my life!!

Love you with all my Heart Mother!!!

Our hearts are Breaking!!

Sharlena needed to talk to us a parents.  When she did not show up for Mother's day we were really sad!! Craig texted her back and told her she come visit with us but it needed to be Her & Dave.  They came out this past Wednesday March 21st.  I was really concerned that it was on our Temple Day.  Worried that things were not going to go well for me emotionally and that I would get upset and not be able to attend our temple assignment for the night.  I gave myself a pep talk early on in the day and prayed that I could keep my cool.  Well things did not go as I had hope.  I became so upset, I started crying and could not turn the tears off.  I cried the entire night.  Craig had to just hold me again.  I had the same break down the week before Easter after a conversation with Trisha and Stacy that week.  I just can't believe the close knit family that I thought we had is being ripped to shreds before my very eyes!!  I thought I had a good relationship with my oldest daughter and now I'm finding out that is not the case.  It is tearing me up inside.  I have tried so hard to stay close to all my daughters and never say an unkind word to them  Well that has not been the case.  Sharlena has so much resentment pinned up inside her towards me.  My heart is aching.  I don't know how to deal with it.  I'm just in shock, on top of all this with Shannon and Tasha's little boy, now the Noriega family seem to be turning their backs on us as grandparents.  They will not let us have any association with their family if any Chaudhry family member is around!!  This is unbelievable to me and so extreme.  How do I separate one family from another?  Our conversation got heated!  Sharlena left feeling really mad at me.  All I can do is cry.  We just do not agree, but you would think there would be some common ground.  My heart is just so sad inside.  I cried the night away and could not get out of bed on Thursday.  This  has all put me over the edge emotionally.  I don't know how to deal with it.  I feel like I have been blind sided and hit from out of no where.  I can't even put into words the pain I feel inside!!  I've got to stay positive.  This is bigger than I can deal with.  I'm going to have to put it in the Lords hands.  I don't see things healing for a very long time.  I can see that Sharlena is very stubborn about her feelings, Her and Dave are not giving us much to work with right now!!  I just can't believe this is happening to our family!!!!  The Tears don't stop!!  I talked to Nastasha on Thursday and Trisha & Buck.  Natasha was heated with me and felt we were lying and covering up the story.  I told her to talk to Shannon and if she wants to call the Child protection services and make her own report go ahead herself!  I understand both sides of the story.  We have two innocent grandchildren that we love very much that have been effective by all this.  And I have two daughter affected as well.  Then having the other three sisters siding in and excluding Shannon from their lives is just heart breaking!!  I don't know how to cope with it all.

Going to Lincoln T-ball game- Papa Symes

I think Lincoln was really excited that papa came and watched his baseball game tonight!
Craig attended one of Lincoln's T-ball games Friday night(May 23rd at 6pm on the way to the lake for Memorial weekend.  Lincoln loves his papa Symes 

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  Katie Stanger The look on Lincolns face is priceless:) so sweet!

  
  
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  Shelva Wallace very nice handsome granpa and granson

  
  
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  Deborah Symes This picture is so cute of my dear husband and grandson Lincoln Thomas

  
  

  
  
  

  

  Jan Walker Symes Looking more like your dad, Craig. You are such a great support for everyone. What a great quality. Love those little guys, too.
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It's A Girl!!

I am overjoyed that I have a baby girl on her way! This was such great news today! I am So excited to have my baby girl! Yay! It is such perfect timing because she has a cousin friend coming this year in July! My sister Natasha is having a girl too. I got a little emotional when I saw that it was a girl. I am so grateful!

17 weeks pregnant

We are so excited to see what Stacy is having, She is due in October this year!!

Tuesday May 27th, 2014,  Stacy had her ultrasound today.  Craig went with her today.  Chad is out of town working and I'm still at the Lake cleaning up from the Memorial weekend.  They called to let us no she is having a baby girl!!!   We are so excited that she is having a little girl.  So excited for her and Natasha both having little girls together this year.    So excited to have a some little girls in the family again.  It has been 9 years since our last granddaughter, which is Karlee June.  We have had a run of 8 boys since our last granddaughter was born.  We are so excited!!!

Towner Family on Easter Sunday 2014

I tried posting this earlier and it didn't work.

We enjoyed Easter Sunday with the Towner's. Yael and Jude loved the egg hunt.

Towner Family Easter Sunday, Stacy, Chad,

Jude and baby Yael

Chad with his two darling boys I missed seeing the kids on Easter Sunday this year!!

Coming Home From the Lake

Thursday I was able to go flower shopping, the weather is starting to warm up finally.  I spent the afternoon shopping for the right price for my flowers.  I found some really full and pretty hanging plants that I can put out in my pots to give a quick transformation for the summer.  I planted impatience this year, I have so much shade in the back yard flowerbeds.  Our trees have gotten so big.  Friday I wanted to finish planting what I bought but had to quit, Craig wanted to head to the lake for the weekend.  I had a bridal shower to attend for my friend Michele Richards in our Ward.  It was at my neighbor across the street, it was fun to visit with sisters in my ward.  When I got home Shannon had stopped by to visit from her Chiro appointment.  After Shannon left we loaded up the truck with all the sleeping mats I bought for the cabin for all the grandkids.  I have 15 of them now. We have two more babies due this year, they can sleep in a play pin for a few years.  The matts will work great for our finish bonsus room.  I bought Nataha's glider rocker & took it to the cabin.  I have wanted a rocker, I put it in my bed room for now.  Excited for a new grand baby due in July this year and Stacy's new baby new in October.  Natasha is having a little girl, so excited to a baby girl it has been over 9 years since the last little girl.  We had a truck full going up this weekend.  Hard to believe it is going to be Memorial weekend this next weekend.  The month of May is going by fast.  I scheduled for Cory a title layer to come by on Friday to lay title for the backsplash in the basement kitchen.  They are coming to wash all the windows on Friday too.  It will be nice to have it nice and clean for the summer season.  Saturday Craig & I tinkered in the yard. I got some weeding done.  The grass is looking green for the season.  We put the boat in for a bit.  We had to drag three of our anchors in to shore, the winter ice on the lake had dragged them out pretty far in the lake.  The water is cold 53 degree. It has got to warm up before I get in that cold lake.  By 5pm we were beat and ready to quit for the day, we rented some movies to watch for the night.  I had spent the afternoon cooking in my kitchen.  I'm tired of eating out,  I made a rally good chicken salad for lunch, and then I made chicken enchanladas to bake for dinner on Sunday.  It was fun to cook in our kitchen at the lake.  We got up early to go to church at 9am.  We got ready and arrived to find that the parking lot was empty.  It must be their stake conference.  We came home and packed up to come home early arrived home at 1pm today.  I invited Sharlena and then kids to come to dinner this afternoon, so we will see if they come or not?  Things are still really tense with Shar, hoping to try to smooth things out and visit about it all today, just pray things go well!!  Home sweet Home.
 Sharlena did come and visit with the kids.  We just enjoyed one another's company and did not even go into all the stress.  I missed seeing them on Mother's day.  It was nice to have some bonding time and to just enjoy one another.  I really do love the Noriega kids so much and pray in time things will smooth out.  I really want our family to be a close knit family and that takes a lot of work on our part.

Skin Infection

For the past three weeks I have had a terrible infection come on my right two middle toes on my foot.  I went to the dermatologist a week ago.  He gave me some cream to put on my toes.  It is slowly healing.  I  can tell it has made a difference.  But now I have itching patches that have broke out on my body mostly on my elbows, ankles, behind my knees and my hands.  I don't know what is going on?  I started an antibiotic I bought at the health food store a week ago to treat the flat warts.  I have the virus that is not wanting to go away,  It is like these little patches are clutters of flat warts breaking out.   I just hope this all gets better and goes away.  It is crazy itchy!!  Craig let me sleep in today, I slept till 10:am,  Wow couldn't believe I slept in I remember looking at the clock at 8:am when Craig got up  and I dozed off again.  I guess I needed the rest.  It is a beautiful day.  I would like to tinker in my yard today.   Planting some flowers would be a fun thing to do. I need to get out of the house!!

Baby sitting the Thomas Boys

I came to Tasha's home this morning to baby sit the boys.  Tasha had to have some testing done while pregnant her sugar levels are high, testing to see if she has gestational diabetes.  I went to get in my car this morning and the battery was dead again.  Yesterday morning I had a massage appt with Anjanel.  Craig drove me out for my appointment, because Shannon still has my car, let her drive it home on Mother's Day.  Shannon came to pick me up from my massage in her car because my car was dead.  She pick me up and then we went to charge the car.  Ryan was leaving early for work.  He helped us get my car running and off he went to work about noon.  Alec was still home and needed a ride to school.  We dropped him off and headed back to Shannon's home.  I turn the car off and it went dead again.  So we had to find a neighbor home in order to help us jump the car again.  Shannon & I went to Mcdonal's for lunch, I didn't dare turn the car off.  We had a nice visit,  we are both hurting from the difficult feelings from her two older sisters right now, trying to figure out some solutions but that depends on if they are willing to try to put forth the effort.   It is going to be a bumpy summer when it comes to the cabin this year. Sharlena is not letting up and is very strong in her feelings and feels she is justified in her actions, we do not agree and that is a huge problem.  Just prayer hearts can soften.  Today is my temple day.  I need to wash my hair here at Tasha's home while baby sitting the boys, she won't be home until it is time for me to go directly to the temple.  Craig is going to have figure out why my battery is going dead?  Luckily  I was able to drive Craig's new truck this morning so Tasha could go to the Lab.  She said the test was going to be about a three to four hour test.   This has been my day, baby sitting and then directly to the temple at 3:30 pm.

Our Lincoln by our new truck.

Natasha at the lab for her testing, she came home really sick from all the sugar water they had her drink.

Will find out the results in a couple of days.

Survived my 4 hour, 4 blood drawings and 20 hour fasting!!!! It was pretty much a torture day at the hospital. #glucosetest