Back At the Lake /A winter chill

It’s below zero- and the high today about  22 degrees.  It is going to be really cold the entire week, the next two days forecast  is only 15 degrees.  So it is going to be a very cold week.  The lake is starting to freeze over- a  huge change from our week of warmer weather.  We had a nice time visiting the Caldwell’s in Palm Springs. We had fun playing Pickleball with Cindy on Tuesday morning.  They have really nice courts to play on.  After our time playing pickleball we headed out the door It was a 6 hour drive from there to Las Vegas.  We took the back roads and drove thru the Mojave desert. Interesting scenery.  We drove thru The cactus tree forest, they were huge cactus trees. I’m not a fan of the desert it’s just too dry and barren for me.   I’m surprised how many people actually live in the area. We drove through lots of small towns along the way. We arrived in Saint George about 8 PM.  It was about an 8 hour drive for us.  We were so hungry we had dinner at the Golden Corral buffet.  We stayed the night at Scott and Jan’s place In St George- Nicer than a hotel.  Jan is a terrible decorator.  They are junking it up with stuff that has no consistency she likes the tropical theme but she has a hard time pulling things together just buys junkie stuff.  It is nice to have a place to rest- Craig’s mom came over Wednesday morning for Craig to help her go through her medical insurance they spent a couple hours working on it. We then went to lunch with his mom and her friend for a birthday luncheon. We had another buffet but this one was a really nice one -smaller selection but the food was really good. We visited for a couple hours packed up and then drove our last leg of the trip to Draper another 4 Hour Drive. We arrived about 8 PM Tuesday night felt good to be back to our Draper home. We only stayed the night, had lunch and drove back to the Lake. I would’ve liked to stayed longer in Draper but it’s cold there too.  The Noriega’s and Thomas family are arriving today at the lake for a winter weekend. So we had to get back up here to entertain for the weekend. I haven’t put any of my Christmas away yet so I need to work on that today. I didn’t put out as much this year so it won’t be as much work just trying to get myself moving -I’m slow moving today. The sun is out but it is really cold. My chore today is to get ready for the family and clean up our place from all the Christmas clutter. We are fast approaching February so it’s time to put my Christmas décor' away. The season is so short I wanted to leave it up longer this year.  I have my entire Draper house to tackle the next time I go back down there. Hoping to ride down with Natasha and her family on Sunday so I can spend the week in Draper.  I teach gospel doctrine next week so I’ve got to start preparing for my lesson coming up next Sunday. I am enjoying studying the old testament I would like to have spent more time in my study but I had to take a babysitting break. I enjoyed watching the Towner grandkids but it was a lot of work for me. I'm just not bouncing back since I’ve had this Covid virus. I know my immune system is weak and I’m just not feeling the best, I just feel off and very low energy. I just have to pace myself for what I can do each day. Craig is out snow blowing the driveway it’s so cold I don’t even wanna peep my head out the door. I need to get to work and get some things done. 

January 29th, Saturday

The Noriega Family and Thomas family all arrived Friday night.  Bridger and his two boys went snow skiing Saturday half day.  The Noriega family went snowmobiling in the sinks.  Craig and I stayed at the cabin.  It was a lot of work for us getting them all dressed warm and out the door.  I rode up to the sinks with Craig to drop them off.  We were surprised that it was warmer up on top about 32 degrees and only about 14 degrees at the lake.  I played cards with the younger grandkids.  I taught them how to play the card game Swoope and we played Cover Your Assets.  We stayed up late playing cards.  That evening the hot tub stop working and Craig went out to check it.  The grandkids had been going in and out wet dripping water on the cold cement.  It froze fast with the temperature so low.  It was a sheet of ice.  When Craig went out the door he slipped falling hard on the cement.  Dave and Bridger had to help him get up.  Craig was hurting.  I thought he might have fracture his right wrist.  He was able to get the hot tub back running.  He was done for the night after falling.  He had to get up early for church.  He was hurting but was able to get thru his church duties.  I stayed home to spend my time with the family.  We enjoyed playing card again as a family.  I fixed a yummy lunch for us.  Cafe Rio pork tacos.   The family all enjoyed their short winter trip for the weekend.  It was a lot of work for a winter trip packing all the winter clothes.  I was beat when they all left.  We had just gotten back up to the Lake the day before they all arrived from our trip driving home from California.  I'm just struggling with my energy.   Worried about my dear hubby.  Pray he hasn't fracture his arm.  Craig said they finally sustain the new Relief Society Presidency.  It all worked out which is a sigh of relief for me.  Sister Batt and her new counselors will do a great job serving in their new callings.      

Palm Springs

We have arrived!  It was only about a 2 hour drive from where Stacy lives.  It’s 8o degrees here and feels so nice.  Cindy and Darren have a nice place here.  Just the  right size for them. They live on the golf course so have a pretty view of lots of green grass.  We had fun playing games and visiting.  Craig and Cindy got in a debatable conversation about the Covid virus going round and that we should all be vaccinated.   I disagreed and told her I chose not to be.  I valued my health and don't want to be an experiment for drug companies.  I feel there are evil forces behind this entire agenda in making people afraid the telling us we need this vaccine to not get the virus.  There is just so much we really don't know and I don't trust what the media is pushes on the public.  The next morning we had a fun time playing several games of pickleball.  They have a really nice club house and courts to play on.  It is pretty there for the dessert.  We told the scenic drive home and drove thru the Mojave Dessert to get to the freeway. It was a long 2 hour drive but finally made it.  Making our way home.  We are stopping in St George to meet us with his mother LaVon for lunch.   

Yael’s 9th Birthday

We celebrated our Yael’s 9th birthday this morning.  Stacy and Chad arrived home about 6pm last night.  They had a great trip.  The kids were really good for us.  I was so tired while there.  It was a lot of work for me.  Stacy has a very busy schedule with the kids.  I was wore out when they got home. Stacy had it all decorated nice for Yael’s birthday this morning.  The kids were all really good for us.  

 

Yael is so handsome and very smart.  He was really good at doing his home work and practicing his piano. He is going to be good at playing the piano.  He is picking it fast - fun to listen to him.  I have enjoyed my time in a warmer climate this past week.  I’m just not feeling well for some reason.  I’m so fatigued and just feel off inside.  I have no energy and feel my nerves inside are on edge for some reason.  We left about noon to make our trek back to Utah.  We are stopping in Palm Springs to see our friends who move there from Bear Lake last year.  

Friday

I’m so tired.  Watching the kids is a lot of work for me.  We dropped the kids off to school yesterday and had till 2:30 pm as free time for us-  we went and play pickleball for a couple of hours-  it felt so good to be outside.  I do love the climate here this time of year.  It is so much warmer.  65-70 degrees feels good compare to the teens at the lake.  Feels so good to be out of the snow.   I just wish I felt better.  I ache all over and just not feeling good.  I feel like I’ve had a set back of some kind.  I hurt all over and just don’t feel right.  I get so tired.  I feel I could sleep all day.  I did go to bed by 9:30 pm  and slept till 7:am this morning. Craig had a hard time getting to sleep so I let him sleep in. I worked out in Stacy’s front yard pulling weeds and cleaning things up.  It feels so good to be out in the fresh morning air..  I enjoyed just sitting in her swing and feeling the fresh air.  We helped the kids do their home work, practice their piano and a few chores.  We went to see Susan Craig's step sister.  She doesn't live very far from Stacy only about 10 Minutes.  Fun to visit with her.  She has lived in area for over 20 years.  We then had to take Farrah to dance lessons -it was a quick visit.  We dropped her off and I dropped the boys off to play basketball till the sun sets.  I just ordered pizza for dinner tonight.  I'm waiting for our pizza to be done. I’m taking the night off from cooking.   We plan to watch a family movie tonight.  We only have two more days and their parents will be home.  Just wish I felt better !! 

Day Three

Craig arrive about 12:30 am.  He made really good time- he arrived here a lot earlier- I thought he would not arrive until late afternoon.  It's cooler today-   I tried working in the yard but don’t have the energy today. My lower back hurts, so it is hard to do much.  We tried out Stacy’s new electric bike out and road around the block.  I love the topical landscape in all the yards.  I picked the kids up at 1pm today-  things went smoother this morning.  Starting to get the hang of their routine..   I was beat last night after dinner.  

Shannon sent this cute picture of 

Her bunny - hope some bunny is having a good day !

She has the cutest rabbits.  We all got some good laughs at Christmas with Shannon surprising us all with baby rabbits in our gift exchange.  

 

Day Two Babysitting

I’ve had a busy day today-  yesterday the kids were out of school for Martin Luther King Day.  Stacy and Chad left early yesterday morning-  their flight was delayed and they didn’t leave until late afternoon they spent the day waiting at the airport for their flight.  That’s a bummer for them.  They said they had to trade planes three times for technical difficulties.  Finally they were on their way.  I just didn’t feel good yesterday so we spent the day at home.  The boys played with their neighbor friends.  I took them all to the park later in the afternoon.  Farrah and I collected pine cones.  They are so big and pretty one they have large pine trees here.  Different than any pine cones I’ve seen in Utah.  The landscaping is so pretty here.  I fixed spaghetti with sausage and pepperoni they all loved it they said I was a good cook. By the time dinner was over I was beat I didn’t have the energy to clean up the dishes. My back just gives out on me and it starts hurting so bad after standing a few hours. We got their lunches already for school in the morning and watch TV for a half an hour before bedtime. Yeah and I started watching a movie I’ll have to finish it tonight. Kitchen was a mess this morning when I fixed  breakfast -got them dressed and off to school by 9 AM in the morning. I had the rest of the day to clean up and do a few things around the house. Stacy had a large Costco order delivered yesterday so I had to take the time to figure out where to put it all, clean out the cupboard to make room for the food. That was a chore lifting things and putting away. I gathered up all the recyclable garbage there was a big pile and waited for them to pick it up to make sure they got it all picked up that was just in time to leave to pick the kids up at school at 2:30 today. I kept busy until it was time to pick them up. I walked around the yard and wanted to work in the yard- I felt like I needed to tidy things up in the house first and get organized for the day which took me most of the day. I would like to clean out Stacy’s front flowerbeds and plant some flowers for her while I’m here so maybe I can work on that tomorrow- I love being outside smelling the fresh mild air. There is a musty mold smell digging in the dirt different than in Utah.  The gardener they have-,looks like he doesn’t do anything around here, the yard needs some attention for sure. It will be fun for me tomorrow to tinker in the yard if I can -I got things somewhat organized in the house today if it doesn’t fall apart tonight- I’m so tired my back is killing me. Drop Farrah off at dance at 3 o’clock I have about 45 minutes to rest and I need to pick her up. Got to help the boys with their homework, reading for 20 minutes and they need to practice their piano. It’s taco Tuesday night for dinner. It gets dark here really early by 5;30pm the sun is down and it cools off fast. This has been a full day and I am tired. My energy level is just not very good right now and my back starts hurting so quickly it’s frustrating I’m not able to do as much as I used to that’s for sure! 

Arrived Safely

It feels so good to be in good ol

California and out of the cold weather.  I love seeing the flowering plants everywhere.  The land scraping is so pretty here.  Stacy didn’t live far from the airport.  I enjoyed the drive to her home only about 20 minutes-   I visited for a bit, Stacy fixed us some lunch-  I then had to take a power nap I was so tired.  Chad fixed us a nice dinner.  I played cover your assets with the 4 kids.  We taught Farrah and Enzo how to play-  by 5:30 pm it is really dark already.  I was so sleepy again fighting to stay awake.  I mange to stay up till 8:39pm I just had to go to bed early.  I’m still not feeling the best.  Pray I can get thru this week with the kids.  I woke up at 4:30 am this morning.  Stacy and Chad are leaving early about 7pm when I begin my shift of caring for the kids.  Pray for the strength I need!!  

Our little Cora at the Er on Friday-  she is doing better.  Strange illness pray for her to continue recovering ❤️‍🩹 

My flight pass - everything is electronic just flash my phone for my plane ticket.  It was stressful at the airport- just that I’m not familiar with things.  I don’t do so well in strange places anymore.  The unfamiliar is really stressful for me.  Just doing it more would help.  Chad got me a first class ticket which was really nice.  They are wider seats and steward  treats us better sitting there. A few nice perks In First class sitting.  I watched a very interesting historical show about the art world and finding a lost painting thought to be Leonardo de Vinci -  it sold at auction -the most expensive painting in the world for $400.million- by a Muslim leader.  It was a very interesting historical narrative.  The world of famous Art involves much power and money from around the world.  They have these very secure areas to store in secret.  It was a fascinating historical account.  

At The Airport

I’ve just gone thru security at the airport and waiting for my flight to California.  Stacy and Chad are going to Cancun tomorrow and I’m babysitting the kids for the week.  It will be good for me to be in some warmer weather and divert my attention from my heat ache this past week.  Plans for the weekend changed fast.  Trisha and her family ended up not going to the lake.  Karlee still wasn’t feeling well.  So they stayed home.  Thomas family were packed and ready to come to the lake when baby Cora wasn’t feeling well- her legs and feet were swollen. They spent 5 hours testing and came back saying she had the corona  virus and sent them home.  It is so frustrating!! They test positive- so the so called virus and then no other care is given.  I’m sure frustrating for them as parents.   So no one ended up going to the lake this weekend.  Craig wishes he had stayed longer with me.  He is driving down for a meeting he has on Tuesday.  And then plans to drive on to California.  I slept good last night but still feeling so tired.  All this stress has taken a lot out of me.  I have to toughen up and just let it go.  My mother was just beaten down and I’m sure she just gave up.  The disappointment is I thought Tommy would be fair with his siblings and that is not the case.  I’m just upset I was so trusting.  I have no desire to see him anymore.  He didn’t go out of his way to developed a relationship with me.  I  have always been loving and kind to his family.  It just really hurts that is has been so one-sided and my own mother allowed it.  I took all her pictures down it is just to painful for me right now- time will heal my heart.  I just need to take a brake from that chapter of my life.  Looking forward to spending time with our 4 Towner grandkids this week.  They will cheer me up.  

Friday/ Craig Going back to the Lake

Craig stayed with me the past few days.  Nice to just have him close to me.  He offered to take me to Grand America for a nice lunch or dinner.  I just don't feel like celebrating anything right now.  I haven't been able to eat much.  My stomach is in knots and I'm having to make myself eat.  Wednesday I spent the entire day working on my Mother's checking account and trying to close things out that only I can do with me as a joint account owner.  I had to stop several auto drafts.  Come to find out she has an hospital indemnity policy that she has paid on for many years.  They should pay for reinvestments of several of the times she stayed in the hospital.  I have to called get itemized hospital reports and file claims.  So that will be a working project.  I also have to send death certificate to the bank to close the account and her pension fund I have to return to payments they still have been depositing in her account.  I also found out that social security sent a check for $891.00 for a refund that was mailed Dec 16th.  I told Chance to find the check and deposit in her checking account. He seemed to be hesitate about it.  So see if they really follow thru with it.  I just don't trust the family bunch.  Chance my Nephew shouldn't even be having to deal with this.  He is not listed on the account or as the executive of her Will.  I spent the entire day working on finding out what needs to be done.  We went to the bank to cash out what is left in the account.  I did not trust them.  There is not going to be much left only about $2000.00, which should have been used to pay funeral expenses so we would have received more on the life insurance benefit.  Payment of the funeral was taken out of her life insurance benefit which left each of us less.  The games I'm having to play with my brother Tommy.  We talked to an attorney to see if I even have a leg to stand on with the house money paid to Tommy.  With nothing in her name there is not anything that can be done.  Tommy owns the home lock stock and  barrel, he has covered his tracks and mother let him do it.  She just always favored Tommy and enable him over the years.  He could do no wrong in her eyes.  It was as if she had to buy his love in competition with this birth family.  He was reunited with his birth family in 2010 and ever since she gave and gave her money away to Tommy and after the divorce from Quention in 2011 there was no one to stop the plundering.  It was like a marriage between her and Tommy, what every was hers was his to take with no questions asked.  All I can say at this point is to out smart him on what little is left to keep because he is not going to do the work and at least I have a legal say on the checking account and how the money left is dispersed.  Thursday Craig and I went to lunch ran a few errand and back to our Draper home.  I'm just so exhausted  Luckily I was able to sleep the past two nights.  I still feel so exhausted today and just want to crawl back in bed.  Craig left for the lake this morning.  Trisha and her family are coming up for the three day weekend with it being a holiday on Monday.  Martin Luther King day a national holiday.  Plus we have a surge in the omicron corona virus and the schools are closing down till next Wednesday.  Salt lake county passed a mask mandate for the next 30 days.  The drama doesn't end with this virus,  Karlee testing positive the first of this week and has to coronatine for 5 days.  This is the last thing Craig and I want is another illness.  I'm staying away for everyone right now.  I'm flying to California on Sunday and I want to try and stay well.  I don't want to be sick while I'm there caring for the Towner grandkids.  Their parent's are going to Cancun for the week.  Thomas family is coming to the lake too this weekend.  So Craig is going to have a cabin full of family this weekend.  I'm just emotionally and physically not able to be there.  This has been a very stressful week for me. I look forward to some alone time to regroup.

Family History Story

Facebook - latter-day.-Saints - One day my husband that spent so many hours near the last 5 years of his life doing genealogy through Ancestry.com and FamilySearch Search and find a grave and other records, and then he would send them via the computer to have their temple work completed.. and I had the blessing of him telling me here and there of experiences he had with these spirits of who he was doing genealogy for would assist in helping him find them or family members.. He shared precious holy experiences...Truly this work was put forth from the God above to be able to have work for those passed on performed in their behalf even though they were deceased .. and many spirits passed are striving to have their work done for them.. So one experience that my husband told me about was that he was working on this one family that had 6 children .. and he was able to compile all the dates and places of birth for the parents and for 5 of the children.. but he searched and searched for about 2 hours and could not find anything on this one 10 year old boy .. and finally he was ready to send in all the information of this family to have their temple work completed but minus this one child.. when he went to click to start sending this families information onward.. all of the sudden he felt a heavenly unseen hand cover his hands.. and a whisper in his ear saying in desperation "Stop!.. Please continue to find my boy!.. I will help U find what U need.." and it was so powerful that he once more resumed striving to find information somewhere on this child and finally after two more hours of search he came upon the information he needed and he proceeded to enter it all on this child and then he sent the whole family all together into the temple files.. via computer to hopefully soon have their work completed via living temple attendees  in the Holy Temple..  NOW THE ACCOUNT DOES NOT END HERE..  That night my sweetheart went to sleep and he was struggling to have a good night sleep due to his back pain and so he got up as he does at times and sat in his comfy chair that was right next to his bed (it was still somewhat darkened and night and I was in a deep sleep in bed.. so I sadly missed out on this angelic experience.. and right then and there all of the sudden a sweet light filled with two beings came to him.. The one was a women and with her arms upon the shoulders of a young boy in front of her .. and she began to talk to my husband saying: .. "I and my son wanted to come and visit U personally to say thank U for working so diligently today on compiling and submitting our family to have this most precious work completed for us.. This is my boy that U worked so hard to find his information needed to complete our family and He wanted to personally tell U thank U.. " and then they disappeared before his eyes.. and he said he was left with such an overwhelming spiritual heavenly feeling and love that they brought to him and he was further given added strength and love for proceeding assisting with this great and important work for those who have passed on and desired to have their temple work done for them.. In a five year period before he passed on he was chair ridden and unable to get out and about and he felt so strongly as this was his mission that he was never able to serve due to the Vietnam war interceding having to join and he was only 17 when he signed up to serve as he knew he would soon be drafted and he wanted to make sure that he served in the U.S air force .. so he served for 20 years and four different times he was to go into the various wars that came up but each time something came up that he did not have to serve and he felt as his life was being spared and even that his back injury came about so that he would not be out working but instead having to sit at home and then this last mission of genealogy was commenced and it truly was a holy mission for him and that area of our home was so holy that many a person that entered in could feel it ..  and would comment on it .. and my sweetheart was no longer able to go to the temple so he felt also that sending these souls passed from our families forward to have their temple work done was like a portion of the temple being in our home and him doing his temple service.. and he would work at such fast paced speed when he was looking for these souls passed and truly many times he was being U could tell that with the holy feeling angels /loved ones/ancestors passed were assisting him in this great and important work and  each day from the time he started he used to keep a daily entry on how many he submitted to have their temple work done and one day he had the added strength and stamina and pain taken from him and he was able to even work for hours in front of the computer which usually he struggled to follow through with anymore than 15 to 20 min at a time then he had to stop and take brakes as it was literally hard on his back to have his hands up and one day he had this blessing on not hurting and going on and on and by the end of the day he had compiled and sent (also with the help of others entered work along with his own compilations and research and entries of souls into the system and that day he miraculously was able to send forth almost 500 souls to have their temple work done .. and it was truly a miracle.. He usually did average around 100 to 150 some days or somedays only around 50 .. and after he had passed I was reviewing his last entries.. that had been made up until a week before he passed and his total of souls that he had sent was up to 34,000 of our ancestors! He also did work for another family early on and sent about 1,500 of their ancestors.. well come to find out three years later .. ha.. we were related to them and so we were still doing work for our family line.. This great and marvelous work for those passed on is real and true and so  many members can tell U of the help that they have had and even experiences similar to my husbands that he would tell me of over and over where souls would appear to him in dreams or even in vision with the veil being taken from him.. to help him with this beginning of temple work .. and of souls being baptized confirmed and to take out their holy endowments and covenants and even many more can tell of heavenly experiences and appearances of these souls passed being within the temple when their work was being performed in proxy for them .. IT IS ALL TRUE AND REAL AND WHEN JESUS COMES TO REIGN IT WILL EVEN PROCEED AT SUCH A GREATER AND MASSIVE LEVEL.. because it is all true and real.. as told in the bible .. missionary work and souls being prepared is still happening even beyond the veil.. IT IS ALL REAL AND TRUE .. I know of a surety also due to my death experience... even ..Temples are truly a house of the Lord for our behalf and in behalf of those passed on whose spirits are still existing .. we do not cease to exist once we die.. No.. Death has no sting and grave has no victory to bring our souls to an ending .. AND SO SORRY to go on and on but I felt as I needed to share this one out of so many other experiences.. The spirit of Elijah reserved in these last days to turn the hearts of the children to their fathers past is a real and true work here upon the earth and the keys were given and passed on to have authority for this great work that is just a portion of this great and marvelous work being preformed in these latter days before our Savior comes to reign .
I came across this account and wanted to share in my Journal.  It is a reminder to me of the many experiences I too have had in this great work.  I have spent my life researching and finding names to connect and submit to the temple.  It's at a rate now that I physically can’t move fast enough to submit their names directly to the temple.  I have been trying to do the research and the temple work for each name I find.  There are not enough hours in the day for night.  Working on family research is a comfort to my soul and helps me to put this life in some perspective when this week has been very painful for me dealing with the emotions of the passing of my own mother who has brought much pain to my heart.  That wound has been opened wide.  Even beyond the gave she is still has caused much pain by her actions.  She was not fair to her birth children.  She favored Tommy and his family as the golden Child.  I know Tommy was there to help and care for her but he also took much of her money for himself and his family.  Come to find out they just kept taking and no thought to his other siblings. He should have never been assigned her executor of her estate when he is not doing any of the work.  I’m left to protect what little is left of her estate to pass on to the other three siblings.  Mom would push us away with her favoritism behaviors giving Tommy the candy store.  I’m just so glad I was able to be a cosigner on her joint account checking account.  This is the last little bit of anything left - that he would have also taken.   He is not being Honest with his siblings and shows that he really doesn't love us- only cares about himself.  It’s as if he was an only child.  Tommy got the best our mother.  This has been a hard week emotionally for me.  I’m trying to gain my strength from all the emotional stress I have felt. I was able to get my computer out last night and review some temples names I could pass on to our Granddaughter Aubrey Noriega.  She has planned a temple baptism session Saturday January 22nd with her family for her birthday which is Jan. 20th.  She is turning 18 yrs old. I was looking forward to the event, but I’m now going to be in California this next week babysitting the Towner grandkids- last night I was able to print 4 sisters who need their baptism work done.  In reviewing I have found Josie L Holt who married Alexandar George Bailes - submitting her Mother Emmaline Rollins and father that all her siblings are missing from the family data base.  There is another family chart which looks like it could be a connection to link-  nothing is found past this family branch. They have been forgotten. There are about 6-8 children I can see missing.  So I have some work to do. Need to review what sources there are and add the missing info.  Working on it today I can add to the Baptism list of names for Aubrey to work on with her family next Saturday-  this works calms my soul and brings peace to me -  even when I feel so angry and abused by my own mother in this life time.  I pray for the angels above to help me heal my heart and give me comfort.  It is so hard when the one person you feel should love and value and protection over the years she failed in this life.  I guess I asked for too much.  Only Heaven can heal the pain in my heart! 

Text From Craig/ The Heart Ache Added On By My Deceased Mother

Not sustaining today😄 that was at 8:49am Sunday Morning-  then he can home when I told him I was crying and heart broken that he did not have the balls so to speak for not saying something.   I left Bear  lake that morning to come to our Draper home and get away from him.  He had pushed me to far !! 

Later that evening he sent this text message to me- 

I’m so sorry I have disappointed you. This past 3 weeks have been very difficult for me. Trying to allow the process to work it’s way through. The last week -the most difficult feeling- being left out of the process. I felt angry last week as I left our bishopric meeting. Felt like my feelings didn’t matter. I knew at some point I was going to have to let my feelings known but at the same time hoping the right decisions would be made without me speaking up. I should have been more forceful and for that I’m sorry. Bishop England came over, we talked through the way I felt and how I’ve been treated in this process and others similar situations. He said that he was on the same page as I was with regard 

to Trisha Wallentine.  He hadn’t spoken with sister Batt yet but said he would be talking with her. We talked about others that she could consider. 

My intent has always been to try and avoid pain and sorrow for you. I’m sorry I have failed to do so. Love you with all my ❤️   

I responded - All I can say is- I’m heart broken again from all this -it is more than I have to give.  I cried all the way here and still crying - I can’t emotionally deal with this roller coaster.   They don’t like me and I’m not going to change that -I just need some time to heal again- I’m not coming back to the lake! so don’t push me.  

I’m so devastated I can’t even really put in words the pain I’m feeling inside. I don’t even want to see him right now.  I’m shutting off from the world around me right now -is my only coping skill I can do to process and regain my courage to go forward. 

I didn't sleep well tossed and turned all night long.  I had called Buck to visit with him and get some input from him as he served as a Bishop.  I was crying my eyes out and so distraught from this experince.  I do know who ever serves as the Bishop at the time they have the last say and needs to be supported.  If someone else was serving it would be a different outcome in who is called.  Human oppinions way in the choices made, it is not always just personal revelation, even though they may try, it is the best choice made at the time.  If we all serve with a willing heart and concentrate our time to the Lord it really doesnt matter where we serve has been my attitude.  I'm a supportive worker bee and have served my entire life in the church with a willing heart where ever I have been called to serve.  The people are not perfect, but I do know we are trying to do what is best.  I felt I had received inspriation as I prayed for insight while I was serving as young women's president yet that insight was dashed into pieces.  I did not have the support I needed to serve in this calling successfully by the girls or the parents.  There was back bitting and contention all alone which made it impossible to go forward.  I did not want Sister Batt to have to deal with the contention I had to deal with in anyway, without her knowing before she made her decision.  If they prayed about it and still felt strongly about this sister serving in this calling,  She needed to make amends with me first somehow, and I would support the decision.  We are commanded to go thy way and ask for forgiveness when offending another person and saying we are sorry.  That is part of the repentance process.  She knows very well she has been contention and judgemental and no effort to make amends, Just pushing me aside and acting like she is better than me and that she is justified in her behavior.   This has all been such a shock to my belief system again.  I just need time to figure out what I'm doing.

Monday January 11th, 2021

This has not been a good day.  My emotions- I'm feeling so angry!  I have no desire to even go back to the lake.  I get sick inside just thinking about it.  By 4:00 I received a text from Chance Wallace my nephew if there was anything eles he could do in finalizing things with my Mother's accounts in closing them all out.  I sent him a text back that he needed to check with his father Tommy to see when he is going to sell our mother's car.  It needed to be taken care of.  He said ok.  Well shortly their after I get a voice text from my other Nephew Jake Wallace saying - Gaga had signed the car over to him and that the title is in his name now.   I was shocked that I had not been told before now.  We even asked Tommy when there at his home for the funeral about the car he said nothing about the title transfer.  Just that he wanted to keep the car- so my sister Michele said you will need to sell it and divide the money.  She even took the time with Craig to look up the value of the Car which was about $14,000. I was in shock and disbelief that mother had done this without telling me.  But why should I?  It was nothing new.  She had given everything she had to them over the years.  I texted Tommy and told him he was a Bullshit coward for not telling me.  He is the executor of her estate and he has done nothing to protect her money but take it all from her.  He even had the nerve to say anything left in her checking account is to go Chance his son.  I was so angry!!  He has no love or concern for any of his siblings.  Not once over the years. He took many lump sums of money from mother and was suppose to pay it back but never did.  Mother would later say he didn't have to pay it back.  Since her divorce from Quention all she had left was the $ from the sell of her Canton home.  He took two $50,000.00 chunks of money.  Ran up all her credit cards to the max saying he would add it to her ledger of owning the home she thought she was buying from Tommy, yet he never signed the legal contract so nothing was put in her name.  It appeared as just rent money for the past ten years.  All the while Mom paying for all the home repairs and to enhance the home and had no legal ownership.  He knew this.  He knew the home would be his and when mother dies he will receive the full market value at the time, which is well over $400,000.00,  I'd say is a very nice nest egg for him and hell with his siblings.  He is justify in what he did because mother allowed it.  She did not stand up to him because he is her baby boy and she did not want to say no or hurt him.  I told mother for years I felt like the step child in the relationship, when I'm her own flesh and blood, and Tommy is the adopted child who has inherited everything she has left and he took it with no hesitation. In 2014 when I found out what was going on I tried to stop it.  I got on her checking account and set it up online so I could see what was going on and stop the bleeding.  I saw her keep giving money to Tommy and I talked to her about it and she would still go behind my back and do it anyway.  The entire time she lived there in Canton she paid for all expenses on the Canton home as if it was her home.  So I guess the last thing of any real value was her car and in June 2020 she signed the title over to Jake and put it in his name without telling me.  Nothing for the rest of the family.  Last Fall they clean the last of her things out of the home and moved her to Tommy's Home to care for her.  I offered to care for her but could never get her to come to Utah.  She did not want to leave Tommy.  They took everything that was left and divided among them.  The few things I had put in a box and marked with my name they took and let the boys have it in no regard to me.  There was and old antique vase from grandmother Beatrice Bailes- mother gave to me many years ago.  I told her to keep it until she dies and I would get it then.  Also antique green glassware,  I had even boxed up and placed in the closet with my name on it.  Mother said this fall she found in Seth's bedroom, yet she did nothing to back me up and retrieve it.  I was with her when she bought it at first Monday.  She said she would Will it to me.   Richelle took the vase and Seth the glassware.  So I guess Jake is entitled to her Car.  I'm so angry at my mother right now.  Still from her grave with her dead she is causing me pain and heartache.  She was a terrible mother to me!!  The wounds go so deep!.. I had felt at the funeral I was able to forgive her and had find some good memories!  I was suck right in again and trusting my brother Tommy he would do the right thing by Mother.  I'm so made I have been betrayed again over and again over the years.  She did not stand up for her own daughter and protect me.  She didn't protect me as a little girl and allow the sexual abuse to go on and then still allowing it when she knew she did nothing to protect me.  And I feel she is doing it still.  The abuse over and over.  I'm such a fool to get sucked in at the funeral.  We should have cut back, but we didn't in Honor of her life, we all gave her a lovely funeral.  She lied and lied to me.  Her last words to me were Tommy will be fair he is the executor and will be fair.  Which is the furthest from the truth.  I have been doing all the work in closing her accounts and having Chance help a little.  Tommy has done nothing.  And then the nerve of him to say Chance should get the last of what is in the checking account!!  I'm so angry I could spit nails right now.  I felt like this was a bomb just dropped on me by the end of the day.  I'm already angry and emotionally distraught and now this opens the pain of my heart wide open.  Why couldn't it end on a good note.  I feel so much hate toward my mother I can't even put into words.  I'm so mad at her.   As the night progressed the pain over took me.  I took all the pictures I had from mother's funeral in the frames and slapped them on the floor crushing the glass and the frames, as I started cleaning it up I ripped up all her pictures.   All the while looking up and yelling at her- she did not protect me in the life.  She was a terrible mother to me.  She has hurt me beyond the grave and I hope she can feel the pain that is in my heart at this very moment.  She was not fair!!  I'm at my emotional limit -a hole in my heart by my husband not protecting me and now my own mother.  All I can do is cry uncontrollable.  I can't even describe the pain I'm feeling.  I tired to sleep which wasn't going to  happen.  At 5:00 am in the wee morning I'm crying and cleaning up the broken glass mess I had made.  I look at the top of the stairs and there stand my loving husband to the resue.  I was so mad at him, but no where near the anger I felt about my mother and brother Tommy.  He put his arms around me and just held me.  I had been talking to Shannon until about 12:30am.  She called Craig letting him know I was an emotional wreck and that I needed him which I was not going to ask on my own.  He got off the phone talking to her and made the drive down to be with me.  Which I really appreciate.  Craig has always been there even when we disagree.  He understands the pain and frustration I have had to deal with my mother over the years.  I'm banning her from my life from this time forward, the pain is to deep to deal with.  I gathered up what pictures I have not broken and tore up to take to Shannon's.  I have a truck I brought back with me and gave to Shannon and clothes I had brought back to give to her.  It's not much.  She was hurt she did not get anything from her grandmother.  So I gave her what I had which is not much.  I don't even want to see her face ever again.  At least it feels like it right now.  I'm just so devastated.  Craig has stayed with me all week.  I have gone no where only out to lunch and back home.  I don't feel like doing anything right now.  I have not been able to sleep for three days, my mind will not stop replaying all the hurt that has collected over the years by a cunning and deceiving mother who flat out lied to me many times and said the most hurtful things a mother could ever say to her own daughter.  Telling me she hated me, screaming at me and disowning me with the most hateful words.  I would forgive her after a period of grieving.  And still the cycle is repeating over and over.  I'm just so done!  pray for my mind to calm down and that I can get some sleep!  

Heart Braking

The rug has been pulled out from under me so to speak!  Leaving me feeling unheard and not speaking up for what is right.  Craig serving in the Bishopric has been a challenge for him at times I know.  They have been contemplating changing the Relief Society Presidency- he told they had several women in the Ward they were thinking about.  My name was on this list at one time yet dismissed for what reasons I don’t know- I don’t wish for the calling but do know I would have done a great job serving in this area- I have always felt I would be called to serve someday but my time clock is running out.  I really don’t see that opportunity anymore which is a disappointment to me.  I have just had to shrug it off.  With Craig serving in the Bishopric maybe is why I was taken off their list of options.  Well the Bishop decided to call Sister Batt.  She is my age and a friend.  I have no doubt she will do an amazing job.  I have always loved and admired each sister in my wards over the years serving as the president, they have inspired me and brought comfort to me personally.  She was ask to pray about her counselors to serve with her and report back.  Well on her list was Sister Wallentine - which has been a thorn in my side since everything that transpired from young women’s, when I served a short time, which was cut short because of her and her husband.  I was unrightfully judged by them.  They didn’t not know what was really happening behind the scenes.  They were enabling their daughter to not perform her duties serving as the young women’s president.  I simply asked her to do a few things that she did not want to do.  She would go home and complain to her parents.  She was backbiting and unkind to me and said she would not come to any activity I planned and her mother would support her.  She also talked bad to the other girls about me and influenced them to not like me.  It was very difficult and caused a a spirit of contention in the group.  It all started when the young women decorated for our Ward Christmas party.  There was limited time to work on the project with the girls.  I had to stay longer with the other leaders to finish up.  I had hauled my Christmas tree down to the church and many of my own Christmas decorations this was all we had to work with.  I had asked the girls to put Christmas balls on the Christmas tree that I had found in the church closet which was very limited.  I had no idea I would be offending anyone when I finished decorating the tree that was not complete.  I had bought ribbon and made bows to place on the tree.   Which I took home to place in own home for Christmas.  Well for 6 months Ally complained about it and how offended  she was that I had changed the tree.  It caused contention among the other girls her age and they were not being kind or respectful toward me.  As the year went by the contention just grew bigger.  By summer my new counselor Rose only 25 years of age and closer to the girls in age told me part of the problem and what Ally had been doing and saying to cause contention.  Never talking to me personally. I was really hurt and surprised she could be so petty and that her parents would even allow this behavior.   Come summer-  we had girls camp, Ally was now the oldest young women in the group and called as the new young women’s president youth leader-  the older girls had graduated.  I was excited to have an active member of the church to work with.  The older girls were not active and were difficult to have any participation from them.  I thought things would be different with Ally, not knowing she was the one all long causing the contention and back bitting talk going on behind my back- critizing anything I did. 

I felt this huge wall from the older girls her age.  I had no dialogue from them but could feel the contention towards me and not really knowing why.  When my 1st counselor Cindy moved I called young Rose to fill in her responsibilities because I felt she could communicate with the girls and get them talking and find what the problems really are. Rose was my middle person of communication and she would report back to me. This is when I found out about the incident about the Christmas tree and now It had grown into this huge mountain of contention by summer.  I was just so surprised they could be so petty as a group of three girls. Which was hard they were all active families in the ward. Darlene was our Bishop’s daughter and Cloe was the daughter of our 2nd counselor in the Bishopric now.  The three of them were gaining up on me. Summer - girls camp the stake had sent a letter out that they wanted no pranks going on at girls camp which seemed to be a tradition that could cause hurt to other young women by their pranks of fun. I told Allie about the letter and asked her to set the example as a young women’s president. Well the next thing I know I am hauled into the bishops office because I have offended her.   I asked her to be my eyes and ears at girl’s camp. This is when some of the contention came out about the Christmas tree -I just wanted to laugh-I said I was so sorry -I had offended her in anyway it was not my intentions the bishop was there in the meeting- I thought things were talked out and that we smooth things out- Well by fall it just became even more intense with each activity planned. I had asked Allie to help plan our annual young women’s recognition award program. She came up with a lovely idea and I was all on board .Yet she would not get with me to help work on it and plan the activity. This was our big event of the year and I wanted it to be really special. I delegated her and Rose to get the canning jars that each of the young women were going to place their values- that they worked on in miniature size and place in the jar. They were supposed to order the jars and deliver them to the girls in a timely manner so that they had time to work on the project ahead of time.  I was out of town several weeks just prior. The Sunday before our event I found out the jars had not been ordered and nothing had been done in preparation for the program. I texted Allie because she didn’t even come to church that Sunday to talk or report to me and she was not responding to me. So I came home and gathered up all the canning jars I had -a small pint size and went around and handed them out to the 25 young women with a note explaining what they were supposed to do in preparation for our special program next Sunday. I also asked that they each young women tell a little bit about it - to share their thoughts and feelings-those that would like to share-What they had put in their jar. Well all hell broke loose the next day because I had handed out the jars that Ally was going to do but had not done it yet - not even by Tuesday on young women’s day they still had no jars. She was so offended that I handed out jars. She had done nothing to help in the preparation and even more frustrating she wouldn’t communicate with me.  It was my responsibility as the president to make sure that this program went well and with her not communicating I had no other choice but to go forward without her. I had to go shopping and gather up the refreshments and all the decorations that were involved by myself. Which could’ve been alot of fun if she would’ve participated with me which was all I wanted and it could’ve been a bonding time to get to know one another. She said she could work on it that Saturday before the program but I had already planned to go to the temple so I took the refreshments and the things that they needed to put together that morning and left it at Roses house for her and Rose to work on. She’s stressed she did not want the girls to say anything about their jars which was very frustrating to me I tried to smooth things over- I didn’t want it to be contentious and her to feel like she wasn’t fulfilling her responsibility even though she wasn't/ I don’t know what was said that week about me or what I did wrong but the next thing I knew her parents were mad as hornets -I saw them at the grocery store and you could see the daggers flying- they looked at me and with hatred in their eyes and walked out without saying a word. You know when somebody is angry by their body language. I was so upset by their behavior I came home and cried- I told Rose I wasn’t going to be able to be at the program that I was just quitting I couldn’t do this any longer and I told the bishop too. Well the bishop talked me out of it and my husband and they both told me I needed to be there to see this through. I really wanted to be there - I didn’t want to hurt anybody or cause any problems I was just trying to do my responsibilities as a president of the young women’s. Well the program turned out lovely but there was a lot of daggers flying by brother and sister Wallentine they were criticizing me on every step. I remember we were setting up -we had very limited time and brother Wallentine just sitting in the chair staring at me. I felt so uncomfortable. The bishop and I were having our discussion on a certain table and where it should be so that he felt comfortable. He has shaky hands when he speaks and he didn’t want to be so exposed -he would’ve rather stand behind a podium. I was trying to be considerate of his feelings not even thinking that by simply moving the podium was going to be offensive to anyone. Well brother Wallentine thought it was so - by his observation- not knowing what was really going on. He was just looking for something to be critical about in regards to me and my behavior or standards. I really don’t know what he was thinking but I know he was being critical and judge mental and that’s all he could see - I just remember coming home and collapsing after the whole experience -I had such a negative vibe from him and sister Wallentine and Ally their daughter, I just tried to get through it all the best I could. That was in November. We did not have the young women decorate for Christmas that year, it was signed out by a ward committee thank goodness. Which I did help -I was heavily involved in because they asked me to. I do love to decorate and share my talent in this area which I have been blessed with. Instead of looking at it as a beauty and a talent I have been judged as being extravagant which I don’t understand. The church visitor centers and everything that Church does at a very high standard and I was raising that standard at the lake ward which I guess they didn’t like. They were being judge mental of me as a newcomer from the city -for coming in and changing their lifestyle- somewhat in how they do things on a mediocre level. I really don’t know, that’s just what I have try to understand. I feel like there has even been jealousy involved and pettiness for a talent that I have been greatly blessed with, I don’t know why they were even complaining because I was giving of my time, my own money and my decorations and they didn’t have to donate anything. I was doing all the Work out of love and wanting to beautify our surroundings and I’m being charged as being extravagant. Well by January trying to smooth things out Rose was called to teach in primary with her husband as a Sunbeam teacher. She had been my middle person to communicate with the girls.  I was afraid to even approach Ally any more.  Let Rose deal with and her parents.  Now she was being taken away. I had called to schedule personal progress appointments with each of the young women - I wanted to meet with them and their mothers personally to set goals for the new year of 2019. I felt that if the mothers were more involved we would make some progress by their support. I was asked to really push the personal progress this year to see that the girls can accomplish as much as they could, as the program would be changing the following year. Well the girls opinion was I don’t want to do anything so that was an uphill battle. I called to schedule an appointment with Allie and her mother and that’s when all hell broke loose. The building up of all this contention from the past year came to a head towards me. Sister Wallentine said that they don’t do meetings on Sunday and I was fine- I said let’s schedule another time. I then text Ally the lesson information for the following week because she was to teach the lesson. This was part of the new young women’s program- was to involve them in teaching the lessons on Sunday. Well the next thing I knew brother Wallentine called chewing me out for stressing his wife and daughter out and that he was going to have me arrested for cyber bullying his daughter and that they were not coming back to young women’s until I was released as president. They went to the bishop that evening and asked that Ally be released as well that she would not be serving as our young women’s youth president anymore.  All I could do was cry I was in such shock by his behavior and hatred towards me. I didn’t see anyway to continue going forward serving as a young women’s president.  I talked with the bishop he knew the circumstances. We tried to have a meeting with brother and sister Wallentine to discuss and smooth things over and maybe build some bridges of some type but they were not having it they just threw out all kinds of criticism toward me- got mad and got up and walked out of the meeting so nothing was resolved. I never even got a chance to even really discuss anything with them and still clueless as to what they’re really upset about. A Month later I was released and a new president was called. I was devastated I wanted to continue as young women’s president and my heart was broken because I did not want it to end this way. I always looked up to my young women leaders as a young women and I wanted to be that example to the girls -Someone they could look up to and that legacy was not what was being left behind. I just didn’t even understand what was happening. All I could do was cry -the pain was unbelievable and it took me months to recover from this Traumatic experience shocking me on every level of my commitment as a member of the church. I felt that I was fired -just tossed aside because of their bad behavior. There was no thank you from anybody for the service I had given only my husband. It was very cold you are released and it’s over- nothing more to discuss. Well the pain doesn’t just go away. I was left -still attending church and seeing the Wallentine family look at me and turn the other way. Any lesson I teach at church or anything that I am involved in they purposely don’t attend. They have shown nothing but hate and distain towards me for over three years now and it has been extremely painful to deal with in attending church.  The only blessing was they did remove themselves so I didn’t have to have their hate shoved in my face. So long story with all this background info -The saga has not ended. Sister Batt put sister Wallentine‘s name on her list as counselors to consider calling in the ward. Craig made a few comments enough that I was able to figure it out on my own but I had hoped that it would work itself out in the process. Well Saturday night before church this week Craig said they were probably sustaining the new relief Society president and I shouldn’t come to church. So I guess that was his way of trying to protect me emotionally. I laid there from about 1;00am in the morning for hours just staring at the ceiling trying to process all this. Finally falling asleep from exhaustion and mental stress and agony inside me it was like Pandora’s box opening all this traumatic pain again that I had felt- the same time of year three years ago exactly. How on earth -out of all the sisters in the ward- sister Wallentine be called to serve in the Relief society presidency- to be a loving, kind, nurturing person when she is not. I could not support her in anyway- the wounds were too deep. I got extreme anxiety just thinking about it. The way she has treated me over the past four years has just been mine boggling when she doesn’t even really know me as a person there has been very limited conversation of any kind or interaction with her. I have never spoken a unkind word to her. I knew going to church I would have to raise my hand in opposing her as being sustained to this calling. Anytime we call a new person -they sustain them in church by the sign of raising our right hand -all those in favor please rise by the same sign any of those opposed by the same sign.  I have never actually seen anybody oppose but it is a process of calling new people- if there are grievances and unknown sins we are to raise our hand and oppose the person being called. I knew there was no other way around it -I didn’t want to be an embarrassment to my husband and the Wallentine family members and sister Batt called as the new president, it would be quite the scene in the ward and definitely would not heal the open wounds that are still there. I felt that my feelings needed to be heard and for some reason my husband and the Bishop were not listening and had forgotten how Traumatic this was and what I have still been dealing with. I felt the new Relief Society President- she needed to know the circumstances before she made her choice, she needed to have some input. I called Sister Batt that morning to let her know the brief rundown of what had happened and how difficult sister Wallentine is to work with- if you get on her wrong side. I felt that there needed to be some closure to all of this and discussion before she was called, if it was still a possibility. Sister Batt was greatly surprised -she said that they had given her no input at all and that she was a frustrated with it. She hurried and text the bishop to let him know that she needed to talk to him. Our sacrament meeting was only starting in about a half an hour. Well from that short conversation things were put on hold. Craig text me about 10 minutes before our sacrament meeting saying there was not going to be any sustaining today. I was already crying by then and so upset and mad at him for not speaking up and saying something. He called right after he texted me to see if I was coming and I just started to cry and said no I’m trying to get myself ready, I am just upset because my husband hasn’t had the balls to say anything. Well he shortly came home and missed our sacrament meeting and started chewing me out for defying his confidence.  I turned it right back on him I did not defy his confidence, he was the one -for not standing up for me for a what is right. He was mad that I called Sister Batt.  I told him I wouldn’t of had to if they would’ve said something and giving her some input and I was not going to lay over and say nothing. How did he want this to play out? It was either now or it was going to be when they sustained her at church and make a spectacle of myself which I wanted to avoid for everyone involved. This was something I did not want to do and it was ripping me up but I knew I could not sustain her and the truth would’ve still come out. This would’ve just pushed me right back into a corner and I would’ve not even wanted to go to church anymore. I serve on the Relief Society activity committee and I would’ve had to work with this Sister and it would’ve been very painful and difficult for both of us.  I just couldn’t do it.  All the pain and emotions are more than I can deal with.  I am just done with this Ward it has been so painful in many ways. If the bishop and my own husband we’re not going to speak up I had no other choice .I felt deeply hurt by my husband and by the priesthood leadership of the Ward. This was not revelation. Brother Negus is a friend of the Wallentine family- that serves as a counselor and he was the one pushing the issue. It was also his daughter that was giving me grief that was never discussed and pushed aside. I just can’t even describe -I feel like my heart is just been ripped wide open in a million pieces left wide open again. I thought the gospel and serving in the church is supposed to bring peace and it has not been that way since I moved to Bear Lake - I have suffered so much heartache.  I am trying really hard to support Craig in his calling and let him finish out this five-year commitment serving in the bishopric. All the while I feel so lonely and lost. I had a breakdown in September and I shared my feelings with him then. I just feel like he’s not listening to me and it is swept under the rug to not deal with. I told him as he attacked me- he’s asking too much of me and I can’t do it anymore. I’m done!!! I packed my bags and got in the car and left. I was not going to lay around the cabin crying my eyes out all day. The tears would not stop though I cried all the way on my drive to Draper-I am so hurt and angry at my husband for putting me in this position and not protecting me. This whole church calling procedure is a bunch of crap as far as I’m concerned right now. It’s supposed to be through the Holy Spirit the guidance of our Heavenly Father and I don’t see that is happening.  All the bishop had to say was sister Wallentine is not on the list as a candidate.   He knew how traumatic all of this was. I feel again betrayed by him and my husband and the tears won’t stop. 

Gospel Study Time / goal for 2022

Ii want to invite  the Holy Spirit to daily teach and direct my life-  saying my personal daily prayers is the first to invite his guidance in my life, to change my heart and to direct my actions of living a pure way of life - to live righteously and faithfully trusting in God -  he will lead my path.  

In my gospel study today I just read the first 11 chapters of the book of Genesis that was written by Moses- there is 3000 years of time that has past in the beginning of the earth since Father Adam  that we have very little information.  I’m so grateful for modern revelation that has been restored, that has given us more knowledge and understanding about our Heavenly Father's Plan for us on this earth.   Ever since I was a little girl I have loved learning  the Bible stories.  

In my study today I first read the title page of my old Symes family combination of scriptures- all combine in one set- including the Old Testament, New Testament, Book of Mormon, D&C and Pearl of great price. Craig gave to me for our first Christmas in 1977-   Since then the scripture have been greatly enhanced for even greater study and knowledge to gain by adding subheading of each chapter and connecting scriptures that add to the content in each chapter.  In reviewing this old set of scriptures I read the opening introduction addressed to King James-  I googled on my phone the history of how we received the first King James Version of the holy Bible.  It began in 1604 and printed in 1611.  Since then I have learned there have been many translation of the holy Bible transpire over the years.  So I can see where information could be deleted from the original text given to us from the Hebrews.   In the introduction of our Come follow me manuel it says: The aim of all gospel learning and teaching is to deepen our conversion to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and help us become more like Them. For this reason, when we study the gospel, we’re not just looking for new information; we want to become a “new creature” (2 Corinthians 5:17).

This means relying on Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ to help us change our hearts, our views, our actions, and our very natures-   But the kind of gospel learning that strengthens our faith and leads to the miracle of conversion.  It extends beyond a classroom into our hearts and homes. It requires consistent, daily efforts to understand and live the gospel. Gospel learning that leads to true conversion requires the influence of the Holy Ghost.

The Holy Ghost guides us to the truth and bears witness of that truth (see John 16:13). He enlightens our minds, quickens our understandings, and touches our hearts with revelation from God, the source of all truth. The Holy Ghost purifies our hearts. He inspires in us a desire to live by truth, and He whispers to us ways to do this. Truly, “the Holy Ghost … shall teach [us] all things” (John 14:26).  “ 26 ​But the ​​​Comforter​, ​which is​ the ​​​Holy Ghost​, whom the Father will send in my ​​​name​, he shall ​​​teach​ you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.- 

For these reasons, in our efforts to live, learn, and teach the gospel, we should first and foremost seek the companionship of the Spirit. This goal should govern our choices and guide our thoughts and actions. We should seek after whatever invites the influence of the Spirit and reject whatever drives that influence away—for we know that if we can be worthy of the presence of the Holy Ghost, we can also be worthy to live in the presence of Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ. doesn’t happen all at once. -   In teaching gospel doctrine this year I want to emphasize the importance of the Holy Ghost as our teacher and examples in the scripture that help us to change our lives and our hearts by putting our trust in God.  

Asking the question daily does this action in my daily behavior invite the Holy Spirit or drive it way?   
My goal for the year 2022-Is to become a new creature, a new and growing creation of my heavenly father don’t just learn the facts about the gospel but that which increases my conversion and my commitment to our heavenly father and Jesus Christ by seeking the Holy Ghost for guidance in my daily life which will bring me closer to God and changes my actions daily-I want to strive to draw near to God and hear his voice in my daily life.  

Beautiful Winter Day

The Sun is brightly shining thru today.  Yesterday was a gloomy cloudy day.  It always feels good to have the sun shining on a cold winter.  I spent the day yesterday working on proofing my 2021 Blog and getting it ready for printing.  I also finished up my 2019 Blog book I have not printed yet.  I wanted to catch the 45% printing special which helps a lot on printing.  My Blog book printing cost $100 or more when I don’t take advantage of the printing promotions.  I wasn’t able to proof read in time for this special but I do have it up and loaded, ready to go for the next discount that comes around.   It was a challenge to upload- it kept kicking me out of the internet server that stores the info.  Still have to work on upload 2019 Blog book today.  Today I want to get back to my digital scrapbooking.  I need to finish 2021 and several other books I have started over the past few years and just haven’t completed yet.  This is a great winter goal while I’m inside and not out and about.  The winter months for me can be slow pace and gives me time to work on my scrapbooks.  I’ve got to get back to working on my history of my Mother too which I started  many years back.  Wished I could have gotten it done before she died.  I had the strong feeling she was not going to live much longer.  With all our sickness this past year I wasn’t able to do as much as I wanted.  I sure hope for a better health year for Craig and I .  We are getting older and we do have challenges to deal with as our bodies are slowly failing with age.  Just pray for the added strength needed to fulfill our missions on earth.   Craig went to a wrestling match this morning in Montpellier for Jona Negus in the Ward.  Craig is really good at supporting the youth in the ward which comes with serving in the Bishopric.  He is very dedicated to his calling.   Craig called Steve Neilson our Bishop from the corner canyon Draper Ward to wish him happy birthday.  They sold their house last month and had to move in December.  They are living in their home they have in St George now.  They still plan to buy something in Salt lake Valley.  We plan to stop and visit with them on our way to California. All our friends our age seem to be selling their big homes and making a change in their their lives.  Several called to serve missions.  It’s that stage in our lives for change. Craig and I were just a few years early when we moved to the Lake.  We do have our smaller home in Draper  2 years now.  It has gone by so fast.  Just wish we could spend more time there.  It is nice to have a place to go when we come to the Salt lake Valley.  I worked hard last week cleaning so it will be nice to come back to a clean home.  I need to start putting away some of the Christmas decoration and cleaning here at the lake now.  I'm going to take advantage of the time I have to work on my digital projects and enjoy this Day.  Our cat is spoiled I let her in to eat.  She likes to crawl up on my lap and rest.  She loves the companionship just like my sweet hubby.  He wants me by his side.  Just being together is comforting and in knowing we have one another to love and care for.  Pray we don’t take each other for granted.  Each day we are here on earth is the gift of life.  Pray I can  make the most use of the time I have left of this mortal life.  

Back At the Lake

Our lives are back and forth from our Draper home to the Lake.  As long as Craig is serving in the Bishopric we are driving back and forth.  Craig is very dedicated to his calling.  We drove down to Salt lake Sunday afternoon after church with the boys Michael and Landon.  Monday we attended the funeral of Louise.  Tuesday Craig had young men's and young women's special program for the New Year so he had to drive back to the Lake.  I thought he would stay for a few days.  I was looking forward to having a few days to myself.  Well he scared me to death at 1am in the morning he drove up to the lake and back in the same day.  The church event went well and then he was back on the road again,  It was a bad night to be driving.  Another snow storm up North.  He arrived safely.  I didn't know he was coming back, so he did scare me when he came up to me and said boo in the wee morning hours.  I thought I was going to have a heart attack it startled me soo!  My crazy husband.  He can't stand to be away from me for very long.  Snow never came to valley in Salt Lake it is all up north this last storm.  It warmed up, raining and the snow is melting,  Wednesday and Thursday I spent the two days cleaning our Draper home from our family Christmas party and from Stacy's family again staying at our Draper  home during the week after Christmas.  Wish we could have spent more time with them,  Stacy had fixed me a nice birthday dinner when we arrived on Sunday evening,  She gave some lovely flowers, gift card, candle and a healing bracelet with some bath balm.  She is always so thoughtful to her parents,  We did enjoy the short time we had with them this last visit.  I worked hard the past three days putting things back in order.  I manage to get things cleaned up.  I didn't put any of my Christmas decoration away yet.  The season is so short, I leaving it all up for awhile at our Draper home.  It feels good to get it nice and clean and orderly. It wears me out cleaning.  We went and visited Trisha and Buck Wednesday evening and returned all the folding chairs we borrowed for our family Christmas party. /Saydee goes back to College in St, George this Friday.  By Thursday afternoon Craig was ready to head back to the Lake.  I was beat from cleaning all morning.  We packed up and made the drive.  We thought it was going to be bad roads and snowing on us, but they were clear all the way.  They had gotten lots of snow on Wednesday at the lake every one was snowed in.  By the time we arrive it had warmed up enough it was raining and the road were wet not snowy which made for a safe drive back.  I started editing my blog entries for 2021 and 2019 which I have not printed yet.  I worked late last night hoping to get it down so I could catch the 45% special for printing.  But I wasn't able to make the deadline my midnight.  I like my quick entries on my phone but there are lots of typo errors that need to be fixed.  My phone is a challenge at times for some odd reason I keep miss typing the word and -to (ans.)  When I'm first typing I do make lots of errors so it is nice to have fresh eyes reviewing before printing.  It give me time to review the year activities and see the many blessing that have transpired in our lives over the year.  I'm so grateful for the time I do take to record my thoughts and feelings over the year.  Going to try to do a little better in this area,  I started a 2022 digital scrapbook.  I'm behind on 2021 and and several other years.  This is going to be my goal for the winter months to try to catch up,  I like to at least make one scrapbook and my yearly blog book.  It is an ongoing work for me.  Craig left this afternoon for a temple outing with the youth in our Ward this afternoon,  This gives me time to work on my editing projects.  The week has gone by quickly.  I also want to keep up on my Old testament study time too.  I have let this week pass me by with other chores that needed to be done.  I'm enjoying my time at the Lake to reflect about our lives this past year.  Pray for a better year of health for sure!! I'm still fighting fatigue.  My stomach is feeling better.  I can tell I'm just not there yet from recovery since I had Covid virus in July.  I've been struggling with long Covid effects.  They are saying the spike protein's from this illness can stay in our bodies up to a year.  So I'm sure this is what I'm struggling with.  These winter project will give me time to rest and still recover from the long Covid side effects.  There is lots of snow at the lake this year.  It has warmed up just enough for it to start melting.  Hope to enjoy our winter time this year.  I need to keep busy so depression doesn't set in on me.  I seem to struggle with this time of year which is not uncommon for many.  Going to California will be a nice change of scenery.  Looking forward to our time there with the Grandkids.  

Staying At Our Draper Home

The holidays are over.  I’m finally able to stay at our Draper home for a few days.  Stacy and Chad and her family all went skiing yesterday and packed up and headed out for their drive back to California last night.  They had to get back tomorrow for the kids school and dance for Farrah. We only got to see them a short time Sunday night and Monday night while they were in town.   We are planning on baby sitting for them the middle of January so we will see them in a couple of weeks again.   We will get to spend some one on one time with the kids while their parent’s are in Cancun, Mexico.  Craig had to head back to the lake this afternoon for young men and young women’s.  They are having a special evening welcoming the new youth coming in this year.  Craig was in-charge of getting the refreshments.  They also have a temple outing this Friday.  So I’m not sure when he is coming back to Draper.  I have lots to do to clean up from our family Christmas party on the 25th. I wasn’t able to leave things as clean as I wanted and I need to tidy up from the Towner family staying here the past 6 days.  So I have plenty to do.  I’m still going thru the clothes from my mother, I brought back with me.  I’ve taken the morning to try things on and see what fits and put some outfits together for our trip to California- the middle of this month- only two weeks away.  My mom had lots of fun clothes.  I just need to keep losing weight.  I want to lose another 20 lbs .  I’m feeling better since I have lost 20 lbs, but still need to keep going.  It will feel so much nicer to get 20 more off.  The first 20 was water weight from being sick with Covid. I’ve been drinking apple cider with "mother" in it the past two months- morning and night.  It has greatly helped to shed those 20 lbs now I’ve got to work to get the next 20 off.   We baby say baby Cora yesterday for Natasha while she worked yesterday.  We took her with us to the funeral.  She was such a good little girl.  She is very attached to her grandpa-  she didn’t want to go to me - only her Papa!! It was so cute at the funeral she was looking for him- she went  up to each man in the room touching their pants and look up.  When she saw it was not Craig she went to the next man in the room each time  she finally found her Papa standing by Louise casket visiting.  It was so fun to see her response when -she found her Papa.  She was such a good girl the entire time.  We picked her up at 9am and dropped her off at her home by 3:30 pm.  It was a full day for us all.  I’m really tired today.  I thought I would go shopping for a bit today but I’m just to tired.  Craig left and all I want to do is take a nap.  It feels nice to have some quite time to myself. 

Cute Photo of us at the funeral with our Coco Bear.  She wasn't up to smiling.  She was so attached to Craig.  When we went to lunch at Olive Garden, Craig had to go to the bathroom.  He left her crying huge tears.  She would have nothing to do with me.  She stood there crying until Craig came back to pick her up.  She instantly stopped crying.  She is so attached to her Papa Symes.  It was funny in the Car driving she would not look at me.  She would peek her eyes at me and when she saw I was looking at her she would turn her head quickly.  She did enjoy having a movie to watch in our Car driving there and back.  It was special to have some time with our little 2year old granddaughter.  The past two years have gone all to quickly for us as grandparents, stop growing I want her to slow down, this is most likely our last grandchild in the family.  She is so precious!
 

Louise Adkins Symes Funeral

We attended the funeral of Louise Adkins yesterday January 3rd, She died on Christmas Eve.  This is Craig's step mom- who his dad married in 1970 when Craig was 14 years old.  They were challenging years blending two families.  Louise had 5 children and Merlin 4.   They all moved to Florida the same year we moved there- my family.  Craig and I were blessed to ever have met each other in this time period of our lives.  Merlin and Louise were married about 29.  They divorced just a few years before Merlin died in 2001.  Louise never remarried.  Her kids said she just seen to close herself off after Merlin died.  She didn’t even do much with her own family.  It is hard keeping the family together as we grow older with all the changes.  Craig had a good relationship with Louise even though she cut us off after their divorce.  We never saw her anymore.  Craig did want to attend the funeral.  We were both glad we went.  It was nice to visit with the family who attended, we had not seen in over 20 years most of them.  Susan flew in from California.  Sharon my age was there with their two brothers Jeff and John the youngest.  Steve the oldest son died in 2017.  We were the only ones on the Symes side of the family to attend the funeral.  The relationship had just died over the years.  Craig sent a very nice tribute - 

Craig Symes 

December 28, 2021 3:31 PM

I’m am truly sadden to hear of the passing of this wonderful women. I had the privilege of knowing her as my step Mother for nearly 30 years. We had a special bond during that time. I remember when Dad and Louise first married I would drive to Ogden with her so she could attend classes at Weber State. Louise had a deep love for education. She was always reading and learning. A trait I wished had rubbed of on me. I had the opportunity to work along side Louise and my Dad in Florida at the European Health Spas. We always had quite the competition to see who could get the most sales each day. It was a good competition, one that brought respect to one another. She was quite the aggressive sales consultant. She had incredible speaking skills. I'm not sure I ever saw Louise do a workout at the gym, she didn't need to because she always looked beautiful. Those were some of the best of times for me, Louise & My Dad. Louise was instrumental in bringing the gospel to several families in the Ft Lauderdale area. We had much joy and happiness in those years. Louise was a wonderful grandmother to our 5 daughters. She never forgot a birthday card or a special occasion that they were involved in. She treated them with love and kindness like grandmothers do. Louise had a way of taming the tiger in my dad. She was always able to calm him down when no one else could. That was an incredible quality she possessed. She made my Dad a better man by doing so. I am certain that she is enjoying a wonderful reunion with all her friends and loved ones on the other side of the veil. Thank you Louise for the life you lived and example you were to all. 

Craig & Debbie Symes

At the funeral Raquel and Jason both spoke as grandchildren.  Sharon had 5 kids and Susan had three. None of the boys ever married. From the 8 grandkids they said she had 19 great-grandkids.  The funeral was some what sad to me.  You could see how disconnected the family members were and not active in the church most of them.  Jason and Raquel both spoke and Jeff her son were the only speaker.  It was a nice tribute but it highlighted the first 15 years of the blended family and nothing afterwards that was all the memories shared which seem to be the happiness times for the grandkids. They all have fond memories of Bear lake and spending time with Louise and Merlin at the lake.  Melissa, Sharon’s oldest daughter was very nice to us and made us feel included even when we had not seen them in so many years.  It seemed she yearned for a close family relationship which they didn’t seem to have.  Her husband just died a little over a year from a heart attack at the young age of 44 yrs old, leaving her with a 4 year old son to raise.  Life has it’s challenges.  We did enjoy gathering with them all and sharing memories of past times. They shared some fun old photos.  

Fun Memory of the cousins at Bear lake singing at sacrament in the old tabernacle -cute picture of them all - on the left is Melissa Reedy, our Sharlena, next to her was Troy Symes, grandpa symes, Shaun Reedy next to grandpa Symes, Raquel standing next to Louse on the back row.  In front is our little Trisha and Shannon, Scott’s two girls Kim and Kelly Symes.  Those were fun memories going to church and then stopping to get an ice cone on the way home with all the cousins. 

This is a picture taken at Halloween - me with our three little girls Sharlena, Trisha ,Shannon and cousin Raquel.  1982- Sharlena dressed a  Raggedy Ann, Trisha our little tiger and Shannon dressed as Raggedy Andy.  These were popular character when I was going up.  I loved Raggedy Ann and Andy theme.  I decorated my first baby nursery in this theme.  My mother made me two darling Raggedy Ann and Andy dolls.  I sewed and made their costumes for the fun Halloween season.  We would go visit Merlin and Louise in those early days of marriage on the fun holidays.  I remember Louise loved the holidays too.  She always decorated with all her fun seasonal holiday kicknacks, I love to look at them all in her home.  Halloween and Christmas were my favorite times to visit.  

This picture is Craig with our Sharlena , cousin Shaun Reedy, Raquel and step-sister Susan Dickerson.  Christmas 1980.  The three oldest cousins in the family at the time.  

Fast Sunday / A New Year

Theme for this year - "I will trust In the Lord." The Bishop shared a very inspiring message for us to Trust in the lord this upcoming year in our lives.  This thought goes well as I introduced our Come Follow Me lesson-studying the Old Testment this year.   There are many examples of those who put their trust in the lord even when they did not know the outcome.  They put their whole faith in God to lead and guide their lives, by living a righteous life and choosing to be obedient to the commandments of God, even when the world around us is living an evil lifestyle.  It makes it even more difficult when evil has taken root of the majority of the population surrounding us.  We see the same evils in our time. It gives me courage to press forward and trust in my God my Rock and strength.  

Our stake also sent out this letter -  The Paris Idaho Stake has been invited by President Herrod of the Idaho Pocatello Mission to participate in a fast this coming fast Sunday, January 2, 2022 to help gathered scattered Israel in our area.

As you fast, pray for increased guidance and direction to help you fulfill your part in gathering scattered Israel.  We  believe that we will be greatly blessed as we participate in this upcoming fast.
Paris Idaho Stake Presidency-This is our mission as a church to help gather Zion in preparation for the second coming of our Savior Jesus Christ.  Pray I can do my part and find ways to share this gospel with others this year.  We have work to do in our own family.  Our gospel doctrine lesson went really well today.  I was nervous to teach today and not feeling well either.  I have been fighting a headache that started yesterday and a stomach ache.  Just not feeling well- prayed I would have the Holy Spirit with me as I taught the lesson and the strength I needed to get through it.  There is so much information in the two Chapters introduced today - the inspired version of chapter one of the Book of Moses and the translated Book of Abraham that has been revealed to the prophet Joseph Smith in our time.  These records had been lost from the originally records as passed down over time.  And now restored for us to study and gain even more intelligence in the latter days.  I’m excited to study the Old Testament this year.  The Holy Spirit blessed me and I felt guidance thru our lesson today.  I did my study time preparation all week long and then prayed for the spirit to direct me as to how the lesson would go. I wanted to get the members sharing more of their thoughts and feelings as we all learn from each other. It did go well- a sigh of relief for me.  I’m always so tired afterwards.