Tuesday, November 30, 2021

Missing My Mother

Hi. This is your late loved one speaking. I don’t have long, so listen up because I have a lot I want to tell you.  First off, I get it. 
Ever since I left this world you have missed me, and I know you’re bracing for the holidays without me. No matter what anyone says, this year’s festivities are going to be really tough. 
In fact, let’s be honest, this festive season will probably suck pondwater. But then, Thanksgiving and Christmas are tough holidays for a lot of people. You’re not alone.  
See, the misconception about the holidays is that they are one big party. That’s what every song on the radio claims. Each television commercial you see shows happy families clad in gaudy Old Navy sweaters, carving up poultry, smiling their perfect Hollywood teeth at the camera. But that’s not exactly reality. In reality, fifty-eight percent of Americans admit to feeling severely depressed and anxious during November and December. In reality many folks will cry throughout the “most wonderful time of the year.” Well, guess what? Nobody is crying up here in heaven. This place is unreal. There is, literally, too much beauty to take in. Way too much.  For starters—get this—time doesn’t even exist anymore. Which I’m still getting used to.   Right now, for all I know, the calendar year down on Earth could be 1728, 4045, 1991, or 12 BC. It really wouldn’t matter up here. This is a realm where there is no ticking clock, no schedule. Up here there is only this present moment. This. Here. Now. That’s all there has ever been. And there is real comfort in this. I know this all seems hard to grasp, but if you were here you’d get it.  Also, for the first time I’m pain free. I feel like a teenager again in my body. You probably don’t realize how long I’ve lived with pain because I never talked about it, I kept my problems to myself because I was your loved one, and you needed me to be brave.  But pain is a devious thing. It creeps up on even the strongest person, little by little, bit by bit. Until pretty soon, pain becomes a central feature of life.  Sometimes my pain would get so bad it was all I thought about. No, I’m not saying that my life was miserable—far from it. I loved being on earth. It’s just that simply waking up each morning was getting exhausting.  But, you know what? Not anymore. In this new place, I am wholly and thoroughly happy.  But enough about me. I don’t have room to describe all the terrific things I’m experiencing, and you don’t need to hear them. Right now, you’re grieving, and what you need is a hug. Which is why I’m writing to you. This is my hug to you. Because you’ve lost sight of me. And in fact, you’ve lost sight of several important things lately.  Death has a way of blinding us. It reorganizes the way you think, it changes you. You will never be the same after you lose someone. It messes with your inner physiology. It reorganizes you’re neurons. But then, there’s one teensy little thing you’re forgetting:
I’m still around.  Yes, you read that correctly, I’m right here with you. No, you can’t see me. No, you can’t reach out and hold me. But did you know that one of the things I’m allowed to do as a heavenly being is hang out with you?  It’s true. I’m never far away. I’m in the room with you now, along with a big cloud of ancestors, saints, and witnesses. I’m shooting the breeze alongside you, watching you live your life, watching you raise your kids, watching your private moments of sorrow. 
Here, in this new realm, I am in the perfect position to help you learn things. Which is what I vow to spend the rest of your earthly life doing, teaching you little lessons, lending you a hand when you least expect it, and desperately trying to make you smile. Actually, I’ve already been doing this stuff, you just don’t realize it. What, you don’t believe me? 
Well, wake up, pal. You know that tingle you get in your spine whenever you think of me? That’s me. 
You know how, just yesterday, you had a beautiful memory when you were driving and it made you cry so hard that it actually felt good and you began to laugh through tears? Also me. 
You know how sometimes when you’re all alone, preoccupied with something else, suddenly you get this faint feeling that someone is standing in the room with you? Hello? Me.
You’re not alone on this earth. You never were. You never will be. So during this holiday season, when cheerful families are getting together and making merry, and taking shots of eggnog, I’m going to be clinging to your shoulder, helping you muddle through somehow. 
I’ll be making your spinal column tingle a lot, and I’ll be sending plenty of signs. Each of these signs—every single one—is code for “I love you.” So start paying attention to these hints. 
Because this was one.  " This was posted on facebook by a friend and spoke to my heart!!"

Celebrating Christmas 2O21

We went to the annual Christmas tree lighting Last night.  So fun to visit with the locals at Bear lake.  The small town associations is fun.  They did a great firework show, serving donuts and hot coco.  https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1iUzCxkttHI1fn0QjKQevsaEkKjqkfvB3
https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=12W56QgNmBsMqdzQDzoD7dQl9uhx4Lzbo
Matt and Laura- it’s a miracle Matt is with us this year.  He had his really bad stoke this time last year.  Laura stayed at our home in Draper for a couple of weeks while she went back and forth to the hospital.  They didn’t know if he was going to make.  He is is now talking, can’t walk but his is doing amazing well from what he endured.   




Decorating For Christmas

I started decorating for Christmas while at our Draper home the past four days.  It will be nice to come back and have it all decorated for the Holidays.  I love the Christmas season.  It is fun to get out my Christmas decorations.  I had the tree all up so we could take some family pictures - I told everyone to bring a Christmas sweater for a group family picture.  https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1yyF3P4B1psyNs7pWmjsOQDXY7wSjfWcc
Our Family Christmas Cheer Picture
https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1bI69eU_JYDcZNHCbnJ-EorggT_0zjn_6
All the girls in our Family
https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1ZDKARoDB1EZ-4mk9e3s_NmBdk9GLPPRh
Natasha & Bridger Christmas Cheer  
We went to Trisha’s home this afternoon to play pickleball on their new court.  It was lots of fun to gather as family and enjoy the sunshine sun.  A fairly warm fall day for this time of year.  We said our goodbyes, Craig and I headed back to the lake.  Craig is conducting sacrament in the morning-  so we needed to get back up to the lake.  I have been gone 3 weeks since the passes of my mother.  Feel good to be back at the lake and sleep in my soft bed.  It will be nice to attend church tomorrow.   I really do miss my mother.  It feel so strange knowing she is no longer here.  I do have the faith and hope we will meet again during the glorious resurrection.  

Natasha And Her Family

Natasha and her family Thanksgiving  day -
https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1y7laYx6cyNTFNdyk1MymuyyKvzf1d7-Mhttps://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=10Z0xw2UoeB2CgX2kZVunhCJwpEtfgKoE
The girls are dressed so darling-in their Ivy city matching outfits.
They also did a darling family photo shoot love these pictures of their family.  https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1YFOcjEah3VbrusvAxczujkBRxiE2eZ7Ihttps://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1WmxuD9nGlwCFWkpGo_wRTeqq7xorp721https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1ixsp0sSU2ENYtS1WHRqq0wRPcMY2MtNY
Baby Cora is so Aborable !

Our Sweet Stacy

Stacy posted this message on her Facebook page - she is the sweetest daughter, love her so very much and thankful she is in our lives.  We celebrated her 37th birthday while in Texas for my mother’s funeral -  so glad she was able to be there with me.  I really needed one of my daughters for support.  Stacy is very family Supportive and so kind to her parents.  She had taken the time to write us many thoughtful notes over the years showing her appreciation to us as parents.  
-“‘I am thankful for Family ❤️  Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.- https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1RpzR04w2dl9a0Rm9idh90U9t6OR56LuZ
Stacy & Jake  Cousins- on her birthday Nov 19th 2021- 37 years old. 
https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=10DaHAOdHH6SIVN8KvsnASWCJTHfyLcVV
Stacy and her little family Thanksgiving Day at our place in Draper.  
https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1i3p3pS_QzLfm4Wuk5GHpMWv56964n31W
Chad Celebrated his birthday a week earlier.  They were born the same year in November.  They celebrated his special day as family and Stacy came to Texas to attend My mother’s funeral on her b-day this year.  She enjoyed having some alone time and a break from the demands of her family.  The kids are alot of work.   




Sunday, November 28, 2021

Sabbath Day

It feels so good to be back in our Bear lake ward.  Craig is conducting the sacrament meeting today.  To my surprise we have the entire stake presidency sitting in the stand today.  He was very kind to me after sacrament meeting, taking the time to greet me and talk about the passing of my mother.    There are many members wearing mask with our ward having many who have been sick with the Covid illness.  
Emily Transtrum is speaking today, I served with her teaching the self-reliant class in the Stake.  She is also serving as 2nd counselor in Stake Relief Society. We can feel joy in our lives as we draw close to our Saviors.   To gain experience in life is so important to work at many things consistently  - what is my personal relationship with the Savior?   I’m working consistently in my relationship with him -  it is a life long experience.  Learn of me - first -  study the scriptures.     Strengthen our relationship thru personal prayer-  3rd Try to live the example of our Savior in our lives - how will we treat others- making time for the lord every day in our lives-  let every heart prepare him room - Christmas song- give the gift of giving to others so they can experience this room for their relationship with the Savior- How spiritual healthy is my heart - like a heart monitor-  harken and listen to the voice of the Lord - story of the lost watch -  silence helped to hear the ticking of the watch.  Learning to listen to the still small voice.  

Stake high Counsleor Brother Jensen -  what are my spiritual gifts and do I use these gift ?  Prophet Mormon - shares a gift to be sober and quick to observe.  We need to hear with our spiritual eyes to serve others.  Being quick to observe - not by our natural eyes but spiritually-  we need to work to receive to be quick to observe.   Time management -  shared in the gift of time-  then make an list of who I can serve daily-  make a list, I do what matters daily -  I ask questions and try to do better each day. Watch the self reliance video - return nightly and report to my Heavenly Father.  Very good talks today. 

Saturday, November 27, 2021

Nice Time With All The Family

We had a very nice Thanksgiving this year with all our family.  Everyone was here but Cole on his mission.  We did get to visit with him.  He called and  veryone got to so Hi and visit with him.  He has only 7 more months left.  The time goes by all to fast.  https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1OaTzrwFE1AYwoy2-fy97MBY3B8MCyrHm
 https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1kLyuvNzxWsmBC51P1vO_99HaeCfRvyia
Thanksgiving Dinner 
https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=15pe2zSRkoFjOi3-T9lNeM3Gr81rW3UZ4
Our sweet Ashtyn 
https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1MOceO4L7gONtDZp637bicibRP6Db4y5Z
Stacy & Chad stayed at our place for 5 days.  They kept busy each day visiting with Family on the Towner side and our family.  Stacy is driving back to California Sunday morning.  Chad is flying out on Wednesday.  
https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1h8MZUr8Xpdy_Eh_8A-UMdqbHSW9n5Qax
The granddaughters has fun going thru my mother’s clothes I brought back for them to pick thru as a keepsake from Gaga.  She had good taste in clothes.  Not too many great-grandmothers can pass their clothes on to their great-granddaughters.  
https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1Z9EC5Lsd6LFIggnDs1pxd0zLlT2fVq8Yhttps://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1z2kwSiVWt-wLUZj0OQnnB8IhZsAu1sHc
Trisha and Saydee home from College.  
We did have a nice Day.  The food was all so yummy this year.  Chad smoked a Turkey and it was really yummy.  We love the smell of a Turkey cooking in the oven.