So Frustrated

Well things never seem to change with my hubby and the money.  He drives me Crazy at times.  We sold our lovely home and it has been a tight budget ever since.  Instead of enjoying our years of saving I can’t spend any money- very little -he complains about Everything.  I felt like I was going to have a break down going into our second year at the lake.  I was looking for another home and he invested our $850.000.. cash.  I was backed in corner.  I finally find something we could maybe buy a year ago so we would have a place to stay.  Luckily he was able to cash out one of our investments to pay for it. Still a struggle- don’t spend money.   Hold off for a year -We slowly bought a few things for our new place. I’m not done just adding a little at a time.  Well today after my doctor appointment I wanted to go shopping with some of the money I got for Christmas.  Craig gave me $100 cash and the girls $200. Plus $35.00 for my birthday.  I felt I had a little to shop with. Not looking for anything real expensive just a few added touches to our new place.  Starting over is not even an option just making do with what we have and trying to update our décor a little.  It has been hard for me.  Craig complains every time I buy something he watches me like a hawk.  I end up taking it back.  Today I bought a small gold end table that I had noticed for over a year- I thought would look good where I sit quite often and need something to set things on when I sit in the chair.  I have a little marble table I got over 30 years ago that didn’t cost anything.  I enjoyed my time shopping and just getting out for a bit.  I went to the Mall to walk around and just window shopping.  I picked up some eye liner I needed. I shopped at my favorite store Home Goods where I bought the small gold table and a lamp I like- I thought I might look good.   As soon as I got in the car -Craig called and started talking to me about me not spending any money.  It is just so frustrating.  I went and got a pedicure that Craig did give me for Christmas.  It felt really good I had not had one since the beginning of the summer.  He makes me feel bad when I spend any money so I just quit asking for anything I need or would like with reason.  I treated my self to Cafe Rio for lunch with a $5gift card so it only cost $5 for my lunch today all I’ve eaten.  I usually share my salad with Craig but it felt nice today to not have to share it.   He is just so tight. I got home today and brought in the few things I bought to see if I liked them.  Well Craig got home and the first thing he says is what are you buying ? I don’t like it - looks at the price tag and rolls his eyes at me.   Making me feel like I spent to much money.  I just lost it.  The same old thing over and over I want to scream at him right now.  I gathering the items and put back in the car to take them back.  He just took the joy right out of my day.   It is so frustrating to me.  Always complaining about money!!! If it was the lack I would understand - but that is not the case.  I just don’t understand why he won’t lighten up and let us enjoy our senior years.   I’m feeling like I’m smothered to death.  I’m trying to hang on and adjust.  He needs to give me some space.  He is so controlling I just want to give up.  It leaves me feeling hopeless.  We have to live and it cost money.  I just feel backed in a corner.   I just don’t know what to do other than not spend any money.   I need something to do.  I’m so limited with what I can do right now -I feel I’m going to just freak out at him.  I’m trying to be loving, kind and supportive, but he makes it so difficult !!! I pray for the insight I need.  It just puts me in a depression and I shut down.  My yearly physical went well but I did get a shingles shot  and I don’t feel well the body aches are setting in and my arm hurts badly -can hardly lift it.  It's going to hurt for a few days- I remember how Craig felt a few months back when he got the same shot.  Just laying low to recover from the symptoms of this shot.   I was able to chipper up later in the evening- the Burbidge family stopped by to visit us.  Saydee had a school project  where she was to do a creative project expressing someone she admires in her life.  She picked her Grandpa Symes.  It was so thoughtful of her and reminded me of all the things I do love about him even when he drives me crazy mad at times.  Just have to have patience with one another.  Retirement years are challenging when we are together 24/7.